Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

Hi Kimm,

I am so sorry that you are going through this, it sounds just awful! I can't understand why men do things like this, I could make guesses but then I might be way off the mark 'cause they are so damn complicated and confusing.. Although they THINK they aren't, which makes things even worse!!

I am wondering, has he ever been in any other long term relationship before, other than the one he is in with you? I am just thinking that maybe he has gotten into that mindset of "If I marry her, I'll have only really been with ONE PERSON!" which can freak people right out. I know that I have only ever been in this deep with Adrian, and it does sort of play up in the back of my mind that if we stay together, that's it. I'll never experience this or that... I mean, I put the rest of it in perspective and it goes away but maybe it bothers other people a lot more than it bothers me.
If I had to put money on it, it sounds to me like a total commitment thing. I have had best guy friends for ages, and it sounds really typical of wanting to be with someone NOW but not wanting to have to promise to be there always. Then the promising that he DOES want to be there always? I think that's probably just him realising that if he doesn't, he might lose you. Then something will happen and he'll think maybe he should be more weary of planning for forever.

Either way, it's not okay. It is selfish and cruel to put you through that, and the way you said he is reacting says he doesn't seem to realise that.
I definitely agree with the other girls about just being really honest and straight forward with him. I think in every relationship there comes a time for, "Okay, out of this relationship I want this, and that, and this.. and if you don't want those things, and I mean want those things every day, not every OTHER day or every so often then we really need to think about where this is going".
My counsellor that I love was talking about relationships and she specialises in harmonious divorce and stuff like that and she said that the leading 2 causes of a realtionship breaking down are Assumptions and Unspoken Expectations. I think you have to lay everything on the table and see where the cards fall.

I am so sorry again, I know this must just be so heartbreaking and emotionally draining. We'll be here for you, and eMail me any time!

**big hugs**
--Steph

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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.

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