Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Going to a psychiatrist...you guys were right all along

I took a LONG look at my life this weekend. And I have never been truly happy. I have had some mania in my life. Laughing hysterically ([icture the hyinas in Lion King). And some deep suicidal moments. And anxiety. Social phobia. (Like not wanting to go to a friend's party, getting there because my mom literally dragged me to the car, and loving the party having a blast. But getting there was awful...the anticipation and self-hate *sigh).

I need to get this evaluated. Whether it is from my abusive past or not...I DO NOT have to suffer like this anymore.

My family would not let me believe I had a problem EVER! Shoving away the abuse, my learning disabilities, and my depression under the rug. I was specifically told I don't need medication for depression because, clearly I am not depressed.

I don't know how to thank all of you...especially Kate, Linz, Stephie, Melissa, Donna, Shelby, Kimm, Sinead, Tina, Nelly, Dalia, Alicia, Ashley, Michele, and others I cannot recall at the moment (sorry!) for telling me it is OKAY to take Ad's and to have depression. That it is does not make me a failure. That it does not change the way you think about me.

It is SO HARD to get help when you have been through so much. To trust a doctor. I am supposed to have EMDR, a tpe of hypnosis, with this new therapist. And I am afraid she will use subliminal messages to abuse me. *crying* I am SO paronoid because of what I have been through!

I am sorry for taking up so much board space these past few weeks. But without you guys I would be in a VERY bad place right now...I don't know HOW to thank you?! I have never had real friends like this before!

KELLY--please recognize you are NOT alone! And please e-mail me if you ever want to. It seems like we are both in bad spots...but it helps to know we are not alone.

I pray that each and every person on these boards gets WELL, is HAPPY, has as many children as they want, and has all of THEIR prayers answered!

I love you guys VERY VERY much...

Thank you for being my FAMILY!

With love and tears,

Ruchie

P.S. I forgot to mention that this new therapist wants me to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated for depression/anxiety. And I plan to go through with it. I hope I can come here for moral support? I've been hospitalized and OVER medicated (part of why I'm SO SCARED of drugs!) and I have a REALLY HARD time with trust. I hope I can come here for support. I just really hope I'm not taking up too much board space

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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