Re: Ruchie's having a real hard time atm I think
06/16/05 10:32 PM
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I am sorry I haven't been on the boards.
Alicia/Han is right...I have been on religious holidays. ANOTHER ONE begins again tomorrow night to Sat. night so I have been cleaning/cooking this week. Plus I've been having GERD so bad it has been waking me in the middle of the night. VERY painful I must say!
Linz is also correct. I am having flashbacks. Hubby and I were at the dog park TOGETHER and I still felt so unsafe as I had a flashback there. I had to go sit in the car and cry while hubby played with Shana.
I just don't have the energy right now to respond. I am achey, tired, hurting, and emotionally worn out!
i know it will not be forever. The abuse was from age pre-birth (mother's expectations which led to emotional abuse and anorexia), to age 26. I am now 26.5 and it is OVER! I will not allow anyone to abuse me emotionally or otherwise EVER AGAIN!
In the meantime...my life was a series of negative experiences...or victimizations. I need to heal from this. The best part is...it's OVER and it is in the PAST.
One day I will be able to leave my apartment. I will be able to do all the things a young woman my age enjoys. Until then...life is a battle. A struggle.
But I know it is for a purpose. This is my belief. I did NOT deserve it. But I will rise above it. I will climb higher and higher...until I reach the top.
Please continue to pray for me. If I don't respond...send an e-mail...it is NOT personal. I am simply too tired across the board.
Sending everyone love, serenity, safety, joy, gratitude, more love, and light!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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