Oh, Kerrie, it hurts so much for me to read your post because I remember all too well going through the fertility workups and then having a miscarriage. People can be so cruel with their remarks. I remember everyone saying to me, "I'm sure you'll have another baby." I wanted to scream because I didn't want ANOTHER baby. I wanted the one I lost. It was as if that one never existed, which hurt tremendously. The worst thing for me was the couple who lived next door. They were very religious and when I started bleeding they came over, held my hand, and told me, "You've just got to have faith. You've got to pray really hard." When I lost the baby, they practically ignored me and it made me feel so guilty, like I didn't have enough faith. They always made me feel like I had not prayed hard enough.
I understand what you mean about the grieving process. If you don't cry, others think you are being cruel and callous. If you are upset, they tell you to get over it and think you are cracking up. Everybody grieves differently and my best advice to you, is to take as much time as you need to grieve. If you feel like sobbing, then sob. It was a tremendous loss that you went through and you will feel sad for a long time.
I cannot imagine how hard this has been for you with little Harrison's comments about a sibling. How do you explain this to a two-year-old? It's hard enough for adults to understand.
Is there anyone that you could talk to that has also suffered a miscarriage? Sometimes it just helps to talk to someone who has been there and knows what it's like. There was a support group in the town where I lived (I forgot the name of it, but they have them in lots of places.) I remember one especially hard day when I called one of the women in the group and she listened to me sob on the phone and I remember feeling "Wow! There IS someone who understands what this feels like." Although we were strangers, it was a great relief to me to have someone who would just listen without making those all-too-well-intended comments that others made.
Regardless of what others think, this healing process will take you a long time. It has been 19 years since my miscarriage and I still sometimes think of the baby I lost. (I have two boys and I wonder if this was a daughter that I might have had.) When that baby's due date comes around, I can't help but think of it then. Because although you never saw or met these babies, I know you loved them with all your heart and you always will.
God bless you at this difficult time!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
Re: I'm back (sort of) and want to say thanks..
