Amy, so sorry to hear what you have been going through. I know how hard it is because I was a compulsive eater for many years and also suffered depression that grew out of my sense of shame and self-disgust. I became an obsessive (but unsuccessful) dieter and a lot of the time my life seemed like torture - self-inflicted torture. I didn't tell anyone about this for years so I do know how difficult it must be for you to post about it.
I also craved sugar - actually used to pour half a bag of sugar into a cereal bowl, add a little milk and eat it with a spoon - had one or two bowls of this for breakfast most days. I also ate secretly and was quite good at hiding my eating from family and friends. I kept food under my bed that no-one knew about. I would even make a habit of buying chocolate and biscuits at several different shops in one trip, as I didn't even want the shopkeepers to know how much I ate! I often ate even when I felt physically sick and in pain, just kept forcing it down until I could hardly move my body - more importantly I could hardly feel my emotions - I was eating myself senseless just as some people drink themselves unconscious.
From my perspective, I eventually stopped being a compulsive eater as a result of recognising and, to some extent, resolving the emotional causes behind it, rather than by changing my diet drastically - my eating habits changed after I accepted myself and my problems, not before. I tried to change many times before that but never succeeded until I was honest with myself about what I was doing and why. But whatever way works for you, this is definitely something you can do.
I know you will get love and support from everyone here, so don't be afraid to ask for it. Please feel free to contact me privately if you want to talk, but in any case I will be thinking of you.
Best wishes,
Josephine
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Re: Okay guys (deep breath). I REALLY need your love and support...
