Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

Ruchie,
I can certainly identify with some of what you said. When I was young, I had a terrible time trying to figure out who I was. I had no idea, because I had always been who my parents wanted me to be. As a child, I learned very quickly who I needed to be, to stay out of serious trouble with my dad, and how to please my perfect Mom.

I am 50 now, and I was 34 before I was truly able to free myself of their "hold" on me. Yes, it took me that long to finally become who God made me to be, and not who they wanted me to be. (Parents often want their kids to be little versions of themselves or who they wish they were.)
OH, it's so complicated.

I'm not saying that it will take you that long to become yourself and like who you really are. (I now am able to make all the mistakes I want, and can forgive me right away without guilt and just move on as if it never happened!) I can honestly say that I like me very much; even with ALL of my faults. And, I don't care what others think of me. That's a real freedom, isn't it?

I just want you to know that you must never give up hope and always use your faith to help you get to where you need to be. God will guide you and He will help you. It takes time and it's a process. I have heard that it is painful when a snake sheds its' skin. Well, it is painful for us, too. It's not easy, but it will happen because you want it to. Honey, you ARE likeable, lovable, and so kindhearted. You can make mistakes and you can even sin and you know what? God still loves you just as you are. He doesn't wait for us to change before He loves us. Here is a quote that I really like:

"God loves us the way we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way."

You don't need to worry so much about changing; God will guide you where you need to go and He will love you all the way through it. He did it for me, and He will do it for you, too. It's okay to relax and just let yourself live. No one is perfect and we will never be, as long as we are on this earth in these imperfect bodies. So, don't try to be perfect. God will guide you your whole lifetime and He will mold you. If He loves you all the time; just as you are; then you should love yourself, too and don't let anyone keep you from it. He is the one who's opinion matters and He loves you as you are. So, who cares what anyone else has to say? His opinion is the one that matters, and He always loves us; no matter what!!!

I feel like I'm rambling here. I hate when that happens. To wrap it up; I guess I'm just trying to say that you must have hope and NEVER give up your quest to find out who you are. Try to cut yourself some slack. Treat yourself the way that you treat others or the way that you want others to treat you. That can do amazing things for yourself!

There IS hope after abuse of all kinds. It takes time to become whole and it won't happen overnight; but it WILL happen. There are many of us who have been where you are (more than you may know) and we have made it. You will too. You really, really will.

I'll be thinking of you,
Terri

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