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I'm really hurting       02/09/05 09:02 AM Edit Reply Quote Snow for Sarala Reged: 03/12/03 Posts: 5430 Loc: West Coast, USA Hi y'all, As many of you now I've been through abuse in my life. And now I am an adult and I am safe...but I am still living in those abusive times. I am in OA. I am reading up on adults hurt as children and books of that nature. I took the sugar out for 8 whole days. But I couldn't do it. I NEED the food to fill the hole inside of me. I had 2 chocolate bars this morning. I'm so sick of htis! I'm so sick of livign this way! Of hurting all the time. Worrying what others think of me. Not abel to love myself and like myself. Seeing myself as less than everyone else is. Going throuhg my days ashamed and hurting and wanting to be swallowed up. Now on top of these feelings I have the lightheadeness from the sugar which makes it difficult to think clearly. I am just SO TIRED of it all. The drama, the food, the starvation, the feelings, the burried feelings, having to please everyone all the time, calling my parents all the time out of respect, repeating my past over and over again in my head, trying so hard with the food and then eating again anyway....I just want to live a healthy life! I want to be close to my hubby. But with food in the way...I can't be intimate with him. This hurts more than I can say. I am just hurting so much. I just wish I could live in TODAY. But I don't know how. I used anorexia to survive childhood traumas. I was "perfect" so that I would get the love I needed. But hubby doesn't love me cause I'm who he wants me to be...he loves me for me. But who am I? I don't see myself. All I know how to be is for others. Can't I learn to be for me? Can't I start today? If only I knew how... Anyway, thanks for reading. I needed to share htis. Love, Ruchie -------------------- Formerly known as Ruchie Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator

Entire thread I'm really hurting Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 09:02 AM Re: I'm really hurting Janey 02/13/05 06:31 AM Re: I'm really hurting thepurplelollie 02/10/05 12:49 AM Re: I'm really hurting MissS 02/09/05 10:12 PM I think Beth said it all for me. Big hugs. I'm thinking of you-nt doubletrouble 02/09/05 05:40 PM Thanks Amy *big hugs* backathcya! n-t Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 09:30 PM Ruchie, had a bit more to say once the kids went to bed. You have email-nt doubletrouble 02/10/05 12:57 AM Re: I'm really hurting daliatree 02/09/05 01:48 PM DALIA Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 07:35 PM Ruchie daliatree 02/09/05 07:57 PM Dalia! Sara-Sage 02/10/05 03:20 AM Re: Dalia! daliatree 02/10/05 07:58 AM Re: Dalia! Snow for Sarala 02/10/05 08:22 AM Re: Dalia! Sara-Sage 02/10/05 08:07 AM Tina! Thanks! Snow for Sarala 02/10/05 08:24 AM To Ruchie! Sara-Sage 02/10/05 08:30 AM Re: To Ruchie! Snow for Sarala 02/10/05 09:04 AM Re: To Ruchie! Sara-Sage 02/10/05 11:08 AM Hi Dalia....I sent ya an e-mail AND Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 08:24 PM Re: Hi Dalia....I sent ya an e-mail AND daliatree 02/09/05 08:32 PM DALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help please! Cara4503 02/10/05 06:56 AM Cara... daliatree 02/10/05 08:06 AM Dalia, sounds so scarey! Augie 02/11/05 07:52 PM Re: Dalia, sounds so scarey! :-) daliatree 02/11/05 08:02 PM Re: Dalia, sounds so scarey! :-) Augie 02/12/05 09:11 AM Beth! daliatree 02/14/05 10:45 AM Dalia...more questions Snow for Sarala 02/14/05 11:01 AM Re: Dalia...more questions daliatree 02/14/05 12:02 PM Re: Dalia, sounds so scarey! :-) Augie 02/12/05 06:11 PM beth 2!!! daliatree 02/14/05 10:53 AM bump two above posts-nt Augie 02/13/05 09:36 AM Ruchie! Lana_Marie 02/12/05 06:27 PM ((((((LanaMarie))))))) Snow for Sarala 02/12/05 09:51 PM Re: ((((((LanaMarie))))))) Lana_Marie 02/13/05 08:55 AM Re: Dalia, sounds so scarey! :-) doubletrouble 02/11/05 10:43 PM Dalia, can giving up sugar cause you to have cold sypmtoms....? Snow for Sarala 02/10/05 08:28 AM Re: Dalia, can giving up sugar cause you to have cold sypmtoms....? daliatree 02/10/05 09:05 AM Ok, Dr. Dalia.... Snow for Sarala 02/10/05 09:14 AM Re: Ok, Dr. Dalia.... daliatree 02/10/05 10:16 AM Thakns Dalia...off to check my mail... Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 08:34 PM Oh Ruchie Sara-Sage 02/09/05 01:31 PM Tina *hugs* Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 07:39 PM Re: Tina *hugs* Sara-Sage 02/10/05 02:55 AM Sorry Ruchie Augie 02/09/05 01:31 PM Beth *big hugs* Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 07:45 PM Great advice and response for Ruchie, Beth -nt- Sara-Sage 02/09/05 01:34 PM Thanks dear Tina Augie 02/09/05 01:49 PM Re: Thanks dear Tina Sara-Sage 02/09/05 01:53 PM Feel better Augie 02/09/05 02:03 PM Knowing oneself takes practice. If you have a "Higher Power," call on that, first. And... Urban Rain 02/09/05 01:18 PM Re: Knowing oneself takes practice. If you have a "Higher Power," call on that, first. And... Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 07:49 PM Re: I'm really hurting Yoda (formerly Hans) 02/09/05 12:56 PM Re: I'm really hurting Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 07:52 PM Re: I'm really hurting Yoda (formerly Hans) 02/10/05 05:16 AM Ruchie Sara-Sage 02/10/05 03:47 AM *HUG* khyricat 02/09/05 12:16 PM Re: *HUG* Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 07:54 PM I know its an addiction.. but.. khyricat 02/10/05 06:09 AM Re: I'm really hurting Sheri01 02/09/05 11:45 AM Sheri Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 07:59 PM So sorry, Ruchie barbie 02/09/05 11:27 AM Re: So sorry, Ruchie Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 08:29 PM Oh, Ruchie BL 02/09/05 10:18 AM Re: Oh, Ruchie Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 08:33 PM Re: I'm really hurting Shell Marr 02/09/05 09:52 AM Re: I'm really hurting Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 09:05 PM Re: I'm really hurting melitami 02/09/05 09:49 AM Re: I'm really hurting Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 09:08 PM *HUGS* You've got mail! -nt- melitami 02/10/05 09:36 AM Oh Ruchie!! Sending you an e-mail. Hang in there! -nt- Tissy 02/09/05 09:46 AM Re: I'm really hurting michele 02/09/05 09:43 AM Re: I'm really hurting Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 09:18 PM Oh sweetie! Linz 02/09/05 09:40 AM Re: Oh sweetie! Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 09:23 PM Re: I'm really hurting Kimm 02/09/05 09:24 AM Kimm...e-mailing you *hugs* n-t Snow for Sarala 02/09/05 09:25 PM

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