Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Had a meltdown this morning

For the last few weeks my tummy has been marginal at best. Well, I woke up this morning and it HURT. I had slept with the heating pad on but it had gotten worse over night. I lost it. I just started crying hysterically. It wasn't so much from the actual pain but more from the feeling of constantly being beat down. I feel like a bottle of pop that someone keeps shaking up, the pressure builds and builds and builds and this morning, I just had to release some of the pressure. I've been doing ok. Trying very had to stay positive and be happy. To look forward to the future. For the most part, I think I've done a pretty good job. I guess I was just having a really bad morning. Will woke up and asked what was wrong and all I could say was my tummy hurt. Than he got kinda mad because he knew I was upset for a little while yesterday when the RE had to reschedule my appt and he thinks being upset yesterday was causing my "breakdown" this morning. I just wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was ok. Instead, he tried to reason with me. Bad idea. That made me more upset. Than he said he wanted me to cancel my appt with the RE altogether right now because he doesn't feel I'm strong enough to handle getting pregnant again. I told him the Re was going to have to run some tests and it would be a few months before we could actually TRY anyways. It was just making me more upset so I ran into the bathroom and just sat on the floor and sobbed for about 10 minutes. Will finally came in and said he was sorry. Than he did hug me and give tell me everything was ok. Why couldn't he do that to begin with?? Its bad enough I'm having to go through everything I've been through but them to worry about letting him see me upset for fear that he won't want to have a baby, thats just too much.

So, I had myself a good cry, got dressed and went to physical therpay. My tummy is still hurting but I took 2 vicodins and a xanax and feel a little better. Modern pharmceauticals are great!

I just feel drained. I feel weak. I know I'm just having a bad day but I just want to crawl in bed and say "screw everything." I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of having to work so hard to be happy. I'm tired of complaining. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of putting a smile on my face when I just want to cry. I feel like I have no where that I can just sit and cry and have someone be strong for me. Will has been through a lot also and I'm afraid to let him see me too upset too often. I just feel like I need to get away. I just feel like if even the slightest thing goes wrong any time soon, I'm just going to lose it. I'm sitting at work crying right now.

I'm sorry to be such a bummer today. I know I'm having myself a pitty party right now, I just need some help pulling myself out of it. I know I'll be ok, its just a really bad day for me. Please send hugs.

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Taking it one day at a time.....

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