Sinéad - I am sorry that you are feeling rejected by your friend. Weddings can be a very sticky business and feelings get hurt quite often.
Part of me wants to believe that she meant well, but that she doesn't understand IBS. If we say yes to doing something, we feel like we can handle it. It feels good to be included in events and to have our company valued.
But, who knows the real reason. We cannot read people's minds (as much as I'd like to sometimes) and playing a guessing game will only make you crazy.
My suggestion is to go do something nice for yourself and think of the free time you'll have not being tied up in wedding events. Now you'll be able to attend the wedding as a guest - come and go as you want. There is some freedom in that
I have had my feelings very deeply hurt over wedding choices/bridesmaids. My bridesmaids were horrible - they complained about the dresses, the alterations, the shoes, the location of the wedding, the accomodations.....they made my life miserable. They hogged the mirror in the dressing room and I barely had enough time to get my makeup on! Before the wedding they called me and asked if they had to give me a shower because it was a lot of trouble! I was so upset and hurt...I told them that if it was that much of a bother to please not do it. (Who wants to force someone to throw you a party?) My mother is an alcoholic, and she was drunk all day at my wedding. She griped and moaned and got in my face about my stepmother wearing a corsage too. Like I needed that too on my stressful day along with griping bridesmaids, a mean wedding coordinator, a late florist, and the videographer arguing with the photographer. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! When we reached the hotel that night, I sat on the bed and cried and cried while my poor husband hugged me.
Another time, a friend got married and chose to have a very small ceremony. (She was one of my bridesmaids.) She asked another friend to be her sole attendant - another one of my bridesmaids. That's great - I had no problem with that. What bothered me was that she never told me that she made this decision, as if she thought I'd be mad and couldn't handle it. How dumb. So, I go to her very small wedding and see my other friend come in as her bridesmaid before her in the ceremony. I was so surprised - I felt hurt that she didn't tell me. They kept it this huge secret and I felt like an idiot standing there in a very tiny crowd. Then they avoided me almost the whole dinner reception. Whatever! It was like they were afraid to talk to me! I couldn't believe how immature and insensitive they were - but then again I wasn't that shocked given their behavior at my wedding. I was glad to leave.
On the way home, my husband said, "Honey, why didn't you tell me that X was going to be Y's bridesmaid?" And I told him that I was as clueless as he was. He thought it was very strange and bizarre. He asked if I was mad or hurt, and I told him I was upset that they felt like they couldn't talk to me about it. Its her wedding - she can run it how she wants. I don't care about that. But keeping secrets is so ridiculous and insulting!
I have come to the conclusion that if you have less than supportive people in your wedding party or family, you should highly consider doing a wedding-moon at one of the Sandals resorts! If they can't behave or be nice, then they don't get to come! And you save a lot of money.
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Re: I got fired as bridesmaid!
I was so upset and hurt...I told them that if it was that much of a bother to please not do it. (Who wants to force someone to throw you a party?) My mother is an alcoholic, and she was drunk all day at my wedding. She griped and moaned and got in my face about my stepmother wearing a corsage too. Like I needed that too on my stressful day along with griping bridesmaids, a mean wedding coordinator, a late florist, and the videographer arguing with the photographer. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! When we reached the hotel that night, I sat on the bed and cried and cried while my poor husband hugged me. 
And you save a lot of money. 
