Hi Terri,
I'm sorry you're having problems with your daughter-in-law. I get along fine with my mother-in-law, though I think it does take some effort on each of our parts as we're very different. But I've known her a very long time and we do love each other. Though it does sound like there's something strange going on with your dil (I would never slam the door on a relative, regardless of what they did), it might be possible you've done something with the best of intentions that really upset her. My mil has a great heart but she does have a few personality flaws that tend to really aggravate me. For one, when she gives gifts she always gives what SHE would like and never thinks about what her son or I would like. Though I appreciate getting a gift at all, it does make me feel like she's not really interested in who I am as a person, or that she doesn't know me or her son very well. Secondly, she tends to valorize her sons (including my husband) and ignore the fact that (though he is the love of my life) he has some flaws as well. When she makes statements that make him sound perfect, it's really annoying. While she doesn't exactly blame me, she holds me accountable for the fact that he didn't finish college on time (NOT my fault- I told him I wouldn't marry him until he got his darn thesis done), moved away, became a vegetarian, etc. Every life choice he's made, as a grown adult, that she disagrees with she attributes to me. I'm far from perfect, but darn it, so is he. I choose to ignore those though, and focus on the good qualities of my mother-in-law, something that it sounds like your dil would be unwilling to do. Really, I think the problem you have here is with your son. Even if he tries to avoid conflict, he's the one who currently has a relationship with both of you, and he's the only one who knows what the heck is going on. I think he needs to step up and take an active part in trying to fix this- if it doesn't matter enough to him to do so that might be a bigger problem than whatever's going on with the dil. At least that's my two cents. 
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Re: Does everybody hate their mothers-in-law?
