Oh Steph, you poor thing! You have been through so much, it's no wonder you're having so many problems. You've been living in a stressful house for a long time now and trying to cope with so many, many things.
I'll be so glad when you get out of there and back to your family. I'm sure things will start to improve because you'll be able to relax a little and sort things out and get the help you need. It's been so chaotic for you.
When you get back, I hope you'll find a good counselor and a good doctor. I think we've all been where you are to some degree; the feelings of hopelessness and having no control over how we feel everyday. Some of your post reminded me of myself right now. Recently, I've been having feelings of depression come on me out of the blue and it's like a cloud that just won't lift. Everything looks dark and bleak from under this cloud. I get worried and anxious about every little ache or pain or anything that even seems a little different. It gets very tiring living like this everyday. I know just what you mean about worrying about it all and being sick all the time. I'll do fine until some little physical thing pops up, and then -BOOM- I'm right back under that dark cloud. I have a doctor appointment today for my tummy and I'm hoping I can mention my depression and anxiety. I'm so afraid I'm going to break down and then feel like a goof. Thanks for telling us how you feel. It made me feel like at least I'm not alone right now. There's someone else out there who is with me.
There's so many people on these boards who have been helped, so we know that we can be helped, too.
I'm mad at your boyfriend for being so mean. I've gained a lot of weight in the last few years due to thyroid and other things. My husband tells me i'm beautiful no matter what. I put myself down, but he doesn't. If your boyfriend would really leave you if you were fat, then he's not worth keeping. Stand your ground as best you can. I know you're delicate right now and you may not be up to a good fight for yourself. If not, don't worry about that too. After you get back home, you're going to get help and get better and stronger. You'll be able to tackle whatever you need to on your behalf.
You're going to be okay, Steph. God bless you, you sweet girl.
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Re: Feel like I am losing it now (Long post)
