Reged: 06/20/04
Posts: 428
Loc: Western Washington
Steph,
It's actually very healthy for you to write us and get all of this stuff you're feeling out - and we are here to listen and help. So please don't feel bad, or like you are laying it on us. When we all share our burdens, the load is lighter for everyone.
I agree with Sinead - you are a beautiful, precious young woman with your whole life ahead of you. It will not always be this bad. I know that when you are in a bad patch, it's often difficult to see beyond to the good times ahead, but you'll have to have faith that they are there. Surround yourself with warm, caring people (us included) and you will find the support you need to get you through.
If you are taking an a/d, it is possible that they are causing these thoughts that you are having. I have been there (with Paxil), and remember going through exactly the same thing. And if it is the a/d's, it is possible that the thoughts could take an uglier turn. I don't want to scare you, but want to emphasize how important it is for you to find a doc you can talk with about these thoughts. You may need a different med.
You are not crazy, and your hurt and anger are completely understandable - things are super-hectic for you at the moment. Please try to do what you can to relax and heal yourself. In a little bit, you'll be home with your family. Once there, just put everything on hold and take a breather. There is nothing more important than your health. Those that love you will understand.
Your life is only just beginning, and it will be a wonderful life - I'm sure of it. I'm sending BIG hugs and warm thoughts your way. I hope you feel better soon, hon.