Hi all, ok I am thinking that I do want out of this relationship that I've been in for 10 years. It's a super scary thought but things aren't getting any better and I am realizing that he's very controlling.
For example, some nights he won't let me cook what I want in the kitchen because it will use too many dishes. And we have a dishwasher! I can't eat everything that I want to, so if I want to make a veggie stri-fry, let me!!
#2 - I planned a girl's night at my our apartment and told him about it before it happened. He had a hissy fit and tried his hardest to get me to cancel it. He said he didn't want me having all my friends over without him. But they are all his best friend's girlfriends or wives?!! It didn't end up happening because not everyone had that night free. It was supposed to be tonight, actually... Oh ya, we've lived here so 7 months now and have yet to ahve our friends over for more than the first 5 min tour. I've had my friend Wendy over several times and don't know why it's ok that she comes over? I was planning on having a good friend's baby shower here. he made me ask another friend if she could have it at her place instead. Even though her dad is basically super ill and she's often out of town visiting him. geesh...selfish... She said yes because she's closer to the friend of ours having the babby, plus she's s supr sweet gal.
#3 - Here's one more example. He's in a band and practices every Saturday. So he tells me that I have to stay in bed until 11am (every Saturday) because he wants to get up and have the place to himself to eat and wake up until he leaves. What the heck is that all about? I've done so but am getting soooo tired of all his "house rules". I feel like he's my dad, not boyfriend. The worst part is that when I try to get him to see how he is, he blames me saying that it's my fault or whatever. He always turns it around somehow.
His latest thing is to tell me on a daily basis that I'm crazy and that if I don't smarten up, he'll leave me. DO IT, I say. Well no... I think it.
So today I called places looking for a one bedroom apt. The thing is, how much notice so I give him? And how do I live with him until then? Plus, he's so controlling (never violent, don't worry, just lots of yelling) that I don't think he'll let me leave. We've had the discussion about breaking up before and he tells me that it would be devasting for him financially. He also says he loves me but it seems like he doesn't even "like" me anymore.
We had planned on eventually buying a house together and getting married. That kept me around longer as I want those two things. But now I am realizing that we'll just bicker in a house and nothing will change. We aren't good for each other, I guess. It's so very sad as I do still love him and honestly thought he was my soulmate.
I feel so bad because he's super broke (he is awful with money!!!) but I think I need to break away from him and have my own life. I think he is emotionally abusive and this is so unhealthy!!!
Can I please get advice from anyone that's left a boyfriend that they've lived with. I don't know how to do it. Also, do you guys think I'm right and that HE is the only who is messed up and NOT ME?
Thanks. And I am so glad that I can vent about this here. All my friends are in our little circle so I would never tell them any of this.
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Advice needed - long post
