Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | kate, you sent me on some soul searching -

thanks, kate. that all really means a lot to me. this is such a deep-rooted thing for me, too, completely intertwined with... everything. i sometimes have very much trouble living in my body. i just read an article about obese teenagers and a health-oriented fat camp... as a former fat kid, where so much of me has been shaped by that, i have such strong reactions to it. when i see a chubby eight-year-old girl on the street, there's a part of me that wants to run up to her and say, 'it's not worth it. the ice cream the cake, just don't.' how horrible is that? it brings back everything, all the 'failed' diets, all the years that somehow seem wasted, all the times i've felt like i've failed. (and oh, how diet is just a stand-in for much bigger things.)

it's been a little over a month on this board, keeping my food journal... it's lasted longer than almost any other stretch of watching 'being good.' so many 2/3rds of good days that have devolved... i know a lot of it is me being emotionally healthier in many ways, ready to actually do this because it's just about what i'm eating, and what i'm eating isn't stemming from such non-food issues any more. but it still means facing a lot of crap.

this board is being an amazing help. it used to be that with one off day i would start slipping, start straying, and eventually forget my grand plans. you all keep me getting back on track. they're right when they say we need a support system. for anything. it's amazing how losing weight becomes just about losing weight, and not about becoming better or prettier or more loveable, and at the same time it becomes something bigger... maybe the feeling of it being bigger is the feeling of it being integrated into part of my life.

kate, thank you again, for all of what you wrote.

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jaime
ibs-a (mostly d) // vegetarian

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