Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Honey, most of us have been there!!

Hiya,
I'm sorry you are feeling so upset, and I don't know if it will make you feel better to know that a lot of have been there and know how you (and probably your husband) feel. Even those of us who adore our partners because they are so wonderful MOST of the time have gotten the short end of the sympathy stick now and again and had to be a bit more.. assertive?.. about our feelings.. Okay, for me that meant a similar situation of sobbing and screaming and throwing a pillow at the wall but I'm sure some of us have done it in more matture, productive ways...

I think it's easy to get really caught up in your IBS because yeah, it makes life difficult. It makes it hard to go out, it makes it hard to eat, it makes it harder to do a lot of things and for a person that never worries about things like that, it just doesn't make a lot of sense.
I know that my boyfriend still gives me a lot less sympathy if anything happens to me now, than a year ago when I first got my IBS back really badly after a few stable years. Even if I get a cold, he pays little attention and dismisses me with things like, "You're always sick". And it infuriates me. But then a second ticks by, he realises what he said and he takes it back and tries his best to be understanding.. even though he won't ever really understand because stepping out the front door never scares him like it does me, etc.
I dunno if there is a way to make our partners and relatives understand how we are feeling.. One way that made my boyfriend come around quite a bit is that he got some food poisoning once and I was really nice to him, and sympathetic and then after it had all passed I said, "Now imagine that being your every day". And he was like a cartoon character with a light bulb over his head finally blinking on. Since then, he has been a lot better.. but there are still times when I can see his disappointment when I won't go out, or won't go in the car for long periods of time, or will be grumpy and want to spend all day in pajamas. But he's coming around, and I think your husband will too. If he got a shock from your emotional response, it might put things in perspective for him.. I find myself 'faking' feeling alright a lot and trying to be okay, so it seems like less of a big deal when it really is... when you let your guard down and let someone know that it IS a big deal, and how much it bothers YOU that you can't do the things you want to do, it's easier to sort of empathize.
I know it's hard, but try and give him some time to wrap his mind around IBS... I mean, I barely understand what is going on in my body, so how can someone else??
If you let him get involved, that might help as well.. Like making herbal teas, or looking at different recipes, going to the pharmacy.. then he will see what you're doing, how there are a million and one things that occupy your mind about IBS and make it more real to him. And if he's moer involved, he'll be less likely to expect more from you than you're ready for.
Good luck!
--Steph

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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.

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