I hope this post is not too long. I am a C, I need help getting back on the diet.
I am exhausted,mentally and physically. My mil and fil have both been in the hospital, since I am the only family member not working most of the responsibility has fallen on my shoulders. My h has taken so much time off from work that it is going to be very hard for us to take a trip...this is adding to my stress...if I don't get away from this place soon, when I finally do leave I am afraid that it is going to be extremely difficult for me to return. (I am heartbreakingly serious here).
A little history for those who don't know me:
mil and fil live next door, for as long as we have been married (29 yrs)
son and dil live across the road (we live in a rural area)
bil and sil live on the other side
son and dil have mega marriage issues (3 kids, who mean the world to me and most of the time I am the only stability they have) 
mil is a very hard person for me to be around (loves to hand out mental abuse, only to me). Most of this has stopped, she has become respectful of her sons, she doesn't want to deal with their wrath if she gets caught being a b!$#$. I try to stay as far away from their house as possible, I only go over if they are ill and in need of a Dr.'s care.
I have been on the go for my h parents non stop for about a month. When I come home, I am usually starving for lack of safe food. I eat the first and easiest thing I can find in the fridge, nachos, ice cream.......you get the idea.
My gut is getting ready to jerk me back into reality....I just don't have the time ( or stop and take it) to take care of myself. I can feel it, right now I am nauseated, mentally and physically exhausted. I really don't care if I have my meds...stupid mistake, stupid stupid stupid.....the thing is, I know I am getting sick and I am too tired to care. Actually, I don't know how I am going to respond if the phone rings and another person asks me to help them or do something for them. I need to be alone, just some time to myself, right now, I could care less if my h and I get to take a vacation together or not.
I haven't even touched on my family...my mom won't tell me about her health problems because she knows I already have a mountain on my shoulders. That is just not right, I love her so much, she is the best mom in the world. I would love to spend a few days at my moms, I am just not up to covering my pain so she won't be effected by it. After all, I am her baby, she still tries to fix my life...I love her, I just can't handle that right now.
(my mil has killed any affectionate feelings I have ever had for her, I honestly have no feelings for her what so ever, isn't that sad and disturbing?)
I know I need to eat right, I am in such a depression that I don't care, I tried to eat a bowl of rice last night, I gagged. I just could not swallow it, its not the rice, its me. It felt as if my emotions were pushing the food back up.
I need some help and encouragement from all of my friends here. For the second time in my life, I feel as if I could melt into the dirt and dissapear. I can't even pray for myself, if you pray, please say a prayer for me. I am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I am trying to get dressed so I can leave for the day before the phone rings. I'm thinking if I spend a little money on myself I might feel a little better. Yeah Gayla, thats the ticket..... 
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I need a little help from my friends...please read this !!
