Hi Sheri,
I haven't posted in a while, but after reading your emails, I felt compelled to do so. I understand what you are going through, almost 100%. I am 5'7 and a 1/2 (you beat me!) and weigh 123. I battled an eating disorder (anorexia and bullemia) for a while and am finally settling down (I realized, after much trial and error and struggle, that the eating disorder was making my IBS symptoms worse). I decided that fitting a bit more snuggily in my jeans was better than the IBS pain that was made worse by the bingeing, etc. I am also athletic, I workout religiously and eat very well. I too find it very hard to get those nice firm abs I have always dreamed of. It seems no matter how little I may eat, how long I may do cardio or how many situps I do, I still have the overlying pudge and the love handles. The fact of the matter is that we are a product of our genes and, most people do not have washboard stomachs and very low body weight, naturally.
I too ate 2 decent size meals (breakfast, lunch) and had a bowl of fruit for dinner. I found that this kept my weight steady. But, at one point, I dropped down to 115lbs and since then, I have not been able to get my period naturally and have had amenorrhea for nearly a year now. I am trying to adopt the IBS eating guideline and it is hard to make the changes because generally, people like us have major control issues, even if we don't think we do. We are in love with schedules and deplore change and flexibility.
I understand your desire to stay fit and want to fit a perfect mold, in your mind. But it just simply is not worth the risk. I have had friends hospitalized because of eating disorders, calorie restrictions and low weight. Some have been in a state of depression ever since and many are on medication. One even died because of chemical imbalances that can occur when you do not get enough food/nutrients/oxygen to the brain, etc.
We live in a society that is constantly promoting the idea that beauty is one size fits all. Look around...that certainly is not the case. Hollywood stares us in the face (I'm from LA by the way) and glossy magazine covers grace millions of aisles...I worked at an agency...they don't all look like that and those who do, well, good for them. The 'idea' of beauty is fashionable in that it comes and goes. Stopped by a museum lately? The 'idea' of beauty not so very long ago was a well-rounded woman with curves.
I have also battled, and still do, low self-esteem and lack of confidence. I have a negative outlook on life and internalize everything. I have had many panic/anxiety attacks and stress-related breakdowns. I am convinced that it is because of all of this that I developped and continue to have symptoms of IBS.
It's a scary road. Luckily, my mother was very supportive and I don't have a sister (although I had a very skinny best friend growing up--she was a model--and her mother sort of played the role of yours and your sister when it came to telling me that if I only lost a few more pounds...and I was never heavy to being with).
I am sorry that you are going through this but know that there is plenty of support out there and this is a great place/site to start.
I don't know what your situation is, but I do know that if you busy yourself with other things/activities that do not involve food, you will be less likely to obsess over food and your weight. It's hard to get out there when you have social anxiety and a strict busy routine (believe me, I know) but it helps A LOT!
Everyone is different, but no one should be consuming less than 1200 calories/day (and that is to lose weight) that I know for sure. There are many sites that will give you an estimate as to how much a person of your height/activity level should be consuming (as other people have mentioned). Going to see a nutritionist is definitely a good idea as they deal with this all the time. I know that for myself, a very active individual, I am right on the border of underweight/healthy (I should be consuming around 1900 cals/day to maintain my present weight--I work out 5 days a week, cardio for 30 mins and 30-45mins weight training). I can tell you from experience that if you want to tone up, you need to weigh more. When you do not weigh enough or are losing too much weight, your metabolism slows down (as someone else has already pointed out) but your muscle depletes as well and you end up with sag. I have noticed that the times where I have had the most definition and muscle is when I weighed a bit more.
I have also been told that I should be around 130lbs and am not comfortable with that idea (my cheeks swell up and I feel as though I look like a chimpmunk storing nuts for the winter). Ironically, all the times I was 'heavier' in my life, I was happier, I had a boyfriend...I am now single and not a very happy person.
All I know is that health is number 1. We think that because we are young, that we have all the time in the world to make amends....but our bodies do not forget and forgive very difficultly.
Be good to yourself. Stay away from those who bring you down and find another sourse of support (like us!) and remember that looking the part on the outside, does nothing much for your state of mind, at least not in the long run.
Good luck--here if you need/want to talk.
Saralou
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Counting Calories--to Sheri
