Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Thanks.. I may have overreacted just slightly..(long post)

Hi all,
Thank you so much for all the replies.. I think I might have totally over reacted to everything that has been happening lately, it's that whole 'me thinking the world is falling apart' thing.. I'm working on it.
I do know that everyone cheats - I had just been so good so far! When I first read the diet, I wouldn't even try it because I thought there was no way I could do it. But then I got sicker, and I did it.. I really did it, I stuck to it completely. And not just for a few weeks, for _months_ on top of months. But I just kept getting more and more sick. I know this is totally unfounded, but I think I sort of blamed the diet for a while. I blamed being so stressed about food, about not getting enough vitamins because I was basically constantly stuck on the 'what to eat when you can't eat anything', I tried to blame everything just so I could go back to normal and stop obsessing over food. And then my GI doctor, the consultant of the whole GI thingie over here, told me to eat whatever I wanted. And he really explained why he thought that was true. And I do know better, but it just seemed like such an easy answer.
I really do need to stress over food, it doesn't come easy for me (not that I think it does for anyone). I have all these obstacles that make it harder; I don't have my own kitchen, 'cause I live with someone else's family so I have to hurry in and hurry out to keep out of the way. That makes it mighty hard to say No when they offer me to just join in what they're having (which is never safe). But I always did. It just stressed me out. If I lived back in Canada, I would know exactly where to go to find soy everything, and good deli meats (turkey/chicken for sandwiches), and yoga classes, and what restaurants I can and can't eat at.. But I'm not at home. It's like the stress everyone else must feel when they are on holiday away from home but _all_ _the_ _time_. It doesn't make things impossible, but it makes me constantly have to be thinking about food. And even just stressing over that is enough to give me an attack. I just so badly wanted a way out of this.
Thanks to everyone who reassured me about not losing the support, that really is a big thing for me. I have only gotten more.. comfortable?.. with this whole IBS thing since coming to the boards and I would be so alone if I just lost it. I know I probably over reacted, thinking you'd all hate me or something, but I can't help it. I get so freaked out about being alone here. Like I said, I'm working on it.
I will go back and reply to some of the posts seperately, but I wanted to just try and explain why I feel like I am going so crazy.. and why I cheated.. and then just overreacted about everything.
Okay, so I am back on the diet now and did a big shopping trip to make sure I have stuff for the week. (If I could only stop forgetting my nice pre-made sandwiches in the fridge in the morning - oy!) I am still doing the hypno, and keeping to the meds my doc put me on. Hopefully, I won't start to get sick again and can take care of this cramping/urgency business and I will be on my way.
*hugs for everybody*
--Steph

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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.

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