Wow, its like I could almost hear the me of three years ago in your post.
I have had ibs for 9 years, but about 5 years in, when it reached a peak, I started to get panic attacks. I had never had them before (but was always an easy blusher!), but could not understand what was happening to me. I had just moved to a new country (to be with a boyfriend), i was just 21, I didn't speak the language that well, people were very different culturally, I had a demanding job, and felt very alone. It was so weird, because one minute I felt like I was fine, and then suddenly they started and spiralled out of control. I didn't know whether to comfort myself or hate myself.
I became socially phobic, even going to the shop I knew I would have to have a conversation with the shopkeeper and would go bright red and start with the cold sweats etc.
My boyfriend at the time saw I was suffering so much, with my ibs as much as with the panic and took me to an incredible naturopath who prescribed me a diet to follow which changed my life.
As soon as I started the diet my panic went, but the blushing remained and slowly got better till I left the country, and came home and felt safer.
Now I am moving to New York to get married and start my life here (its a different boyfriend!!!, i am from London), and was very worried about starting in a new place again, seeing as what happened last time. And there were two days a few weeks ago where I thought I felt the panic returning, but I made myself relax and told myself not to jump the gun and maybe it would go, and it did.
What I am trying to say to you is that the way you are suffering now is the worst it is going to be, because you are at the beginning where you are out of your depth. You will gather self confidence and knowledge as to how to deal with these symptoms, and in a while (I know it seems like forever, but time does pass) you will be at home in your skin again.
I think (and my naturopath told me so kindly) that it is also chemical. I belive people with ibs have a problem with their nervous system to a point (like I get temperature fluctuations very easily), homeostasis etc. And the diet thing is so important. I took out alllllll stimulants. No caffiene, no sugar, no cigarettes. They must go. You have to make sure you never get low blood sugar as this will exacerbate your attacks. Eat calming meals, a plate of brown rice, bowl of soup, toast...something substantial.
The other thing I did was take up yoga (I was too panicy to attend a class with a room full of people). I did it as a present to myself, to try and do something positive amongst all the frustration from having gone from an outgoing confident person to this 'thing' as I considered myself.
And finally, something a beautiful old man said to me amidst the panic:
'When your body has [censored] in it, it goes to the toilet and shits. When your soul has something to get out, this is its only channel!'
Please be kind to yourself!!!
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Feel the fear, and do it anyway
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