first of all, i hear ya!!! i get the exact same way. it's embarrassing and frustrating, but i'm sure you will get lots of responses that we know what you are going thru!!!
i have had ibs for 13 yrs, sort of on and off. for a while (about a year or so) i had no problems at all; then recently (a couple months ago) it came back with a VENGANCE. it was horrible. i looked 7 months pregnant every day, felt gassy CONSTANTLY whether i ate or not, and it was really horrible. so trust me, i understand!!!
this is what helps me. what has helped me the MOST i think, with the emotional stuff, is the ibs hypnosis 100 you can find on this site. it's like $90 and totally worth it. i am only a little more than halfway thru and i feel so much calmer, which is really a big deal for me. stress is a major factor in my IBS, which i always knew but my success with this just made it even more obvious. i could be feeling perfectly fine and one thing goes wrong and it's like my entire digestive system is in revolt!!
also, i started back on the acacia fiber. i don't know if you are taking a soluble fiber supplement, but i took citrucel for years and it helped a little at first, then i realized that it was actually contributing to my bloating. the acacia took a long time for me to adjust (about 5-6 weeks) but it's totally worth it. i haven't been bloated AT ALL for 2 weeks! my gas is MUCH MUCH better as well. seems with the bloating went most of the gas.
i also alternate peppermint and fennel teas...peppermint more for cramping, and fennel (which i drink far more often) for gas and bloating, although i don't think that works for everyone.
i think with IBS, for me, just needs to be managed. heather makes an analogy in eating for IBS that this disorder is like sensitive skin- there is nothing you can really do to change it, you just have to manage it. diet, stress-release, exercise, good herbal teas, fiber...you have all these things in place, start getting used to soluble fiber base every meal and snack, it gets quite easy after a while. you don't even think about it too much. exercise has been wonderful for me as well...actually i have a wii and do the wii active workouts (which is nice, to do workouts at home especially if you have horrible gas!)
sorry for the long message, but i hope some of this helps you and i want to assure you that you are not alone!! 
feel free to send me a message anytime...kate
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