I understand what you mean. This is a problem I got when spending a lot of time at these message boards. I developed food related anxiety just from reading what other people had problems with. Remember - the key is to find what works for YOU. It doesn't really matter if it works for the next person or not. People mean well and explain about their triggers because they want to help - and it can be helpful in case you try a diet and it doesn't work or you get an unexpected flare up. But you simply can't stop eating everything that ANY other people have problems with. You need to figure out for yourself what works for you. If you think the EFI general guidelines as presented in Heather's books seem logical to you, then use that as your basis of knowledge and then work out the details for yourself.
Remember - IBS attacks are not always triggered by food. If you get overly anxious about trying different food items or get scared because of what other people tell you then that anxiety may in itself bring on attacks. When you feel really bad it is really hard not to get anxious I know. But please - don't limit yourself more than you have to. Food is supposed to be fun too. That's why Heather keeps talking about substitution instead of deprivation.
If you look at the food strategies a lot of people have on these boards they are based on the EFI but people have then added rules of their own based on what works for them. This can mean more limitations than the original EFI. The point is that these specific limitations are very different from one person to the next. So you shouldn't try to incorporate all of these extra rules into your own diet. You should just follow the general guidelines and then if you find a need for it, figure out what YOUR extra rules are. The basic EFI diet as presented by Heather in her books is actually a very non-limited diet in my opinion - with plenty of variety and delicious things to enjoy.
Try not to make your whole life revolve around what you eat. Exercise, relaxation and stimulating hobbies are also ways to deal with IBS.
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Take a deep breath - and find out what works for you. And remember - it isn't just about the food
