I went to my Ladies Bible study this morning. I've been going since Sept, right after we moved here at the end of the summer. I don't know any of these ladies all that well but I enjoy it and they are a good group, very real and very mature in the Lord, I believe. So anyway there is always a ton of food there, but I am really feeling bad today, so I ate my oatmeal this morning which usually sits fairly well on the tummy, but I'm not about to load up on donuts and danishes that are only going to set me off and have me doubled over after I eat them! Well, at a particular RARE moment when the whole room was QUIET, this woman I barely know and have never spoken to about not feeling well or IBS, walks up to me and says, full voice so everyone could hear, "Why don't you eat? What's wrong with you? Why have you lost so much weight?"
Well, you all may not know if from my posting here, but I am a very private person. I just wanted to walk out the door and not come back, everyone is staring at me. I am first of all shocked that she could tell by looking at me that I've lost weight, I weigh what I weighed before having kids, I am NOT a waif and still within the BMI for my height, though on the low end now I admit, but before kids that was NORMAL for me. But to have everyone staring at me for that very reason was just the worst thing I could ever imagine. You may have the misconception that people who have trouble not eating want people to notice their weight and point it out, but it is NOT TRUE, at least in my case, I am already self concious about it and certainly don't want a room of people staring at me thinking about THAT. So I mutter out that I've been dealing with a lot of abdominal pain lately, that I'm having tests done for it next week, then my face flashes hot and I start to CRY like an idiot and say, "And for your information it hurst really bad right now!" Good grief, now I've got the whole room's attention and they want to hug me (sweet but ick!) and pray for me. I'll have to admit it was really sweet and sort of amazing to have them all pray for me when they barely know me. But it didn't take away the embarrassment I felt, especially from crying in front of all of them.
Anyway, I can share all that here because I don't care about being embarrassed with you guys! That's the beauty of online. I'm going to keep going to this group even though I'm embarrassed now, because I think these ladies genuinely care, and the one who asked the question in the first place felt horrible, she did not mean for the whole room to hear but was just not careful about the volume of her voice and the fact that the room had gone quiet for that moment.
Just had to get that out, makes me look at it a little more objectively just to write about it here. And one more thing - are you of you ever afraid that if/when the GI's tests turn up "nothing wrong", that people are going to think you were just making it up all along or that it is all in your head? That is something I think about a lot.
Thanks for listening as always!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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I am so completely embarrassed I just want to die...
