I'm so very sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I know where you are- I've been having a particularly bad couple of days, and the only thing that's gotten me through is remembering that I promised my loved ones I would never try to hurt myself again. Can you make that promise to us? Everyone who comes to these boards in pain and in need is family- YOU are family here. What can we do for you?
I know that things seem hopeless right now, but there are still options. It's just hard to look at those options objectively when you're feeling badly. Is there anyone you can talk to, or someone physically near you that can help take some of the load off of your shoulders? I find it helpful when my husband or mom accompany me to doctor appointments, so they can catch what I miss and ask questions I would never think of. Or I just pass some of my chores off so that I can focus on getting better.
I also find that when my thoughts/feelings take a particularly dark turn, it helps to just drop everything and pick up an activity that I can totally immerse myself in. I like to knit, or I'll space out for a couple of hours in front of my computer making weird designs in photoshop. Anything to stop thinking, to get away from those feelings of helplessness.
Speaking from experience, you gotta take care of your thoughts/feelings and outlook before you can focus on your physical self. That's hard when you're in pain all the time, but negative thoughts only hinder your efforts, and then you feel as though you'll never get better. And you WILL get better!
All of that, and what I'm really trying to say is don't give up. We are here for you anytime that you need to talk, or rage, or get advice.
Best,
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~*Amber*~
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Re: IN HELL
