Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Hi Everyone - My Update

Hi All!

I just want to check in and let you all know that I didn't fall off the face of the earth (though there are times I want to)!

First, as I've always suspected, I don't have IBS. Understandably, the GI docs diagnosed me with that because they're not head doctors, which is what I truly needed. As some of you know, up until the point I was diagnosed with IBS, I was eating whatever I wanted. When I came to this website, I really started to restrict my diet, losing 40lbs along the way. During the holidays, because I knew I didn't have to go to work and didn't have to leave the house, I would chance eating whatever--meats, salads, beer, etc. and I wouldn't get sick. I'd read all of the issues folks on here were going through but I wasn't going through all of that and was beginning to wonder if I was just a lucky IBSer. Meanwhile, I was beginning to make my world smaller and smaller because I was beginning to limit myself from things that I used to do--go to the hair salon, laundromat, shopping, visits, etc. I poked around for therapists and Gaia recommended someone to me who then recommended me to a CBT institute.

I finally started to go see a shrink on December 19. The reason I needed to see a shrink was for the very same reason that I didn't want to go. I was scared of being far from home. It was bad enough that I was torturing myself by getting on the train to go to work, now I had to go even further to the institute. I was extremely pessimistic that nothing was going to work. So anyway, I tell the shrink that I'm experiencing 3 things: I'm scared of having D or a BM while not at home, I'm scared of hurling while not at home, and I'm freaking out on the trains when they're stuck between tunnels. All of these worries were making me have nervous BMs, making me feeling lightheaded and nauseaus--which is what anxiety does. So through therapy, she was teaching me all of the maneuvers to handle those worrisome feelings. Ultimately, I can control my body. It's not easy because the mind is a powerful thing. I had to go through exposures--go to restaurants, go to movie theaters, go out to lunch, visit my sister--all with having eaten first. Then I had to start incorporating foods that supposedly are dangerous. OMG, I had to eat a bag of Doritos (which contain milk and wheat) during one of my sessions. I was so worried--I got nauseaus, I was panicking, all this while chewing on the chips and know that I had a 45min subway ride home. I did it, it was uneventful and it wasn't dangerous. Today I got Doritos all over the place. Last month I went to a billiards expo in Pennsylvania that I skipped 2 years in a row and I did it! I was away from home for 3 days and I had to eat whatever was available there. One sad thing for me was that I had to stay away from this website because I was relating to everything people were experiencing and that's how the mind of an anxious person works. That and having a really good memory! Anyway I found myself avoiding things. There were times that I wouldn't even drink water or eat anything while at work because I didn't want to have to use the bathroom. Oh, one of the big things that I had and still do is when I feel something may not be a good idea, I go ahead and do it to know that it's OK. The more I do this, the more I overcome the fear/anxiety. I also stopped taking the Acacia and drinking the teas back in December.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my shrink, and it was my last. I graduated! No, I'm not 100% where I'd like to be but I'm on the right path. I am no where near where I was a year ago today, or four months ago for that matter. I've been doing my exposures with minimal worry and I don't avoid it. If I feel antsy I go through what I have to do instead of running from it which would only enforce the fear. Foods that I would eat on the weekends I know eat in the middle of the weeks. I started going out to dinner with my friend on Fridays like I used to (the first time was nervosa hell!) I can always call my shrink again if I find myself reverting back to the avoidance thing and she's optimistic that I won't, and so am I.

To sum my ramblings up, I truly believe that I don't have IBS. Like I said, I'm not 100% as the thoughts are always there in my brain, sort of like a Doplar radar looking for that vulnerable spot to strike, but I am a work in progress in the right direction. I haven't gone back to cow's milk because I love soy milk. I love making salads, rice and beans, steak, pizza, my Everyday Italian recipes all without problems.

This post is not meant to gloat and I do apologize if I came off that way. I do want to thank everyone who was there for me with all of my questions and especially Gaia--if she still posts--for putting me on the right path.

This is an invaluable forum and I wish success for all.

Wendy---a work in progress

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Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...

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