Quote: To be honest, most of the time I'm not "at peace" accepting GF, dairy free, EFI, and low sugar! Sometimes I really feel like it's too much and I need at least a little bit of my favorite foods!
I don't feel so alone and weak anymore. I keep beating myself up because I feel so "weak" when I know other people are doing what seems so restrictive and depriving to me. I wonder what's wrong with me that I am having such a hard time accepting this as a way of life. I'm so tired of so many foods being "off limits". I am getting very depressed at the thought of having to live like this for the rest of my life. Geesh, I am so tired of reading labels and saying "no" to foods I am offered and once loved to eat. I feel "cheated". For sure I would have a better attitude if I was getting some positive results....but I can't figure this out and I hate not having any definite answers....like if either of these diets even has made any difference. I hate that I don't even know if all this "deprivation" is even necessary since I still suffer. I worry that I would be even worse if I didn't follow these diets. I "think" I was worse pre-diets but it's been so long, I honestly don't remember.
Why can't a doctor just tell me if I need to be GF or not????? Why can't I figure out if this EFI diet is causing me more anxiety and C or if it is preventing me from having even worse symptoms.
I gave in today, and I am drinking a cup of Simply Smooth Decaf coffee. EVERYONE at work drinks coffee and I adore coffee. I just wanted a treat, ya know! Like the chocolate chip cookies! I don't want to have to live the rest of my life without the little joys of life...like a simple cup of decaf coffee or a Christmas cookie or a freaking piece of normal wheat bread and cereals and all the "normal" grocery store items. I just don't have the guts to "give up" and try a free for all (within limits, of course). I can't even allow myself a small piece of cheese....or a spoonful of yogurt....and geesh, how I miss cottage cheese on my baked potatoes. I feel so weak and like "what's wrong with me that you gals are able to be at peace with this lifestyle change and I just feel sorry for myself".
Anyhow, just needed to vent. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what is best for me to eat/not eat and I hate it. I hate not knowing if an apple is a trigger! What if I am restricting all this gluten, fat, fructose, dairy for years and it isn't even necessary? That I would be feel the same physically even if I didn't?
I'm having a bad day. I just want to eat. I feel like Andrew did when he wrote his last post and left and decided the emotional toll wasn't worth it.
Not to mention the supplements...which ones help, which ones don't make a difference, which ones may even be hurting. It just seems like no matter what I take or eat, I still hurt, plus I am depressed about having to be so rigid. Can't even go to my mom's for a stupid meal. Or a birthday party...or any event that involves food that I have no control over.
Thanks again for listening. Good luck with your search....with your Acacia experiment, etc. Please keep in touch. I feel so alone with all this.
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Zara
