Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | The Secret, Peale, Sontag, and the Serenity Prayer

I do think there's some validity to the idea that continuing to be on the IBS Boards can reinforce someone's conviction that "I have IBS" and because there is often a psychological component to IBS that conviction can trigger attacks. On the other hand, the message of the Boards is that IBS can be managed successfully which works on the other side providing a continuing infusion of confidence. Which side weighs more heavily depends on what an individual needs at a given time so it varies from person to person and over time for each person. In other words, when it's time to leave the Boards, you'll know it.

Now I have some stuff to say about "The Secret" - or at least the idea of it - and if you're someone who thinks very highly of this book, you probably want to skip the rest of this post.

Disclosure. I haven't read the book. But one of the interesting things about getting old(er) is seeing the same ideas come around again and again. So here's what I think about the whole Ask-Believe-Receive thing, aka The Power of Positive Thinking, aka Visualization, aka New Thought, aka The Mental Cure, aka The Science of Getting Rich, aka whatever. (I'm not actually old enough to have seen all of these personally.)

First, some areas are more under your mental control than others. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be" and I think that's often true. So if the message of The Secret is that you should count your blessings rather than always focusing on what you don't have and you should be open to opportunities to make your life better and you should think about what you really want out of life and go after it, I'm all for it. If the message is that you can make a parking space appear by believing it will, then I don't buy it.

Second, even in areas that are not under your direct mental control, the idea of Positive Thinking can be helpful. For example, if you believe you will be cured of cancer simply by believing you will be, you're toast. However, if you believe you will be cured of cancer by getting it treated, you may be more likely to see the doctor, do the tests, get the diagnosis, do the chemo, show up for your follow-ups, and so on than you would be if you figured your situation was hopeless. Less dramatically, if you believe you can lose weight, be rich, have friends, fall in love, you're more likely to take the actions that will lead to those outcomes than you would be if you simply accepted you'd always be overweight, poor, friendless, and unloved. (As a counterpoint to this, I'll point out that I personally am practically off the charts on the Pessimism scale but I have never missed a test, treatment, or doctor's appointment during my cancer treatments or in the follow-ups over the years.)

Third, there are illnesses where Positive Thinking may help apart from inspiring positive action and IBS is one of them. My IBS is not primarily emotionally driven but there is an emotional component. If I eat "wrong" I'm going to have IBS attacks even if I spend my whole life at home doing yoga, Tai Chi, and meditation in total peace. If I eat "right", I can still have IBS attacks when I'm stressed but even then they're far less severe. Since the stress that triggers my attacks is stress over having an attack, this is a case where worrying about having an attack is likely to give me exactly what I fear.

Fourth - and this is where I start to froth at the mouth - the type of thinking in "The Secret" and the dozens of other Positive Thinking self-help books like it is extremely dangerous because the inescapable end result of it is "you get what you deserve", also known as "blame the victim". Poor? It's not because you were born with a learning disability to a family too poor to get you tested and you went through an underfunded school system that couldn't help you; it's because you attract povery. Sick? It's not germs or genetics or random chance; it's because you attract illness. Read a few stories about cancer patients who turn to Positive Visualization and don't get better and blame themselves for the fact that they're going to die because they have "bad thoughts" and suddenly these books don't look so benign. Rape, murder, incest, torture, genocide, terrorism? Hey, you get what you deserve. And even if you buy the idea of Ask-Believe-Receive for adults, none of these books seem to talk about children who suffer. Sheds a whole new light on the subject, doesn't it?

It's human nature to want to believe that we have control. Children in dysfunctional families will believe - truly believe - that they have done something bad to make Mommy drink or Daddy drug because then those children can believe that if they are "better" Mommy and Daddy will be better - and feeling guilty about being bad is better than feeling out of control. But the simple truth is there's a limit to what we can control, bad things do happen to good people, and we're not all going to be rich, thin, beautiful, and forever healthy. I don't think it's a coincidence that Rhonda Byrne came up with "The Secret" after her father died.

If ideas like those in "The Secret" inspire people to try to make - not wish - their lives more what they want them to be, I think that's great. But I'd make sure my bookmark for "The Secret" has the Serenity Prayer printed on it.

The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale

Illness As Metaphor by Susan Sontag

A truly brutal review of "The Secret" - This is painfully slow-loading but the discussion with Byrne about Rwanda (page 3) is blood-chilling

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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]

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