Do you mean something like Walker's oatcakes? I find they don't bother me, even with the fat. For me, it seems like there is something about oats that allows me to tolerate a bit more fat with them. I can also handle full-fat oatmeal cookies, even though all my other baked goods must be low fat.
One thing that might help with meal planning is to remember that it's not the amount of fat in any one component that's important, it's the amount of fat in the entire meal. So that dairy free pesto might still be just fine, as long as you don't put too much of it on your pasta.
When it comes to restaurants, it is a lot of trial and error. Once you've worked out which restaurants and dishes work best for you, you'll likely be able to eat out regularly. My DH and I go out once a week and I seldom have any problems. Getting there was a bit of a process, with a few bouts of learning the hard way, but now I feel quite confident about going out to eat.
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-Carol
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Re: a little guidance!
