Thank you Ms.Mindful and Sand. Yes, I am slowly "accepting" that the IBS is not going to go away. I can't pretend that my belly can handle more than it really can just b/c I'm feeling so much better from being on this site and following the guidelines. In a small way, I suppose when I take the Immodium, I mistakenly feel that I can "cheat" a bit but that's not really why I'm taking it. It's b/c I get so stressed out about going into social situations while worrying about d that I need the immodium as both a physical and psychological way to keep me calm and help me actually enjoy myself.
There have been a few times in these past months where I have had minor attacks and taken the immodium to stop them, but the other times, I think it is just my own mind exacerbating my bms when really I might not even get d if I knew I would be home. The difference is the eating safe...I have to keep reminding myself that if I eat safely, I SHOULD be okay..."should" being the key word. I'm still at a point where I feel like the diet doesn't matter...I could still get d at the drop of a dime and then I'd be so depressed if the eating right didn't control it. I know that Heather's diet and Acacia, etc. are not full-proof...that IBS is temperamental...and when you add in other factors (stress, etc.), you are never really "safe." That's why I keep wanting to take the immodium as a crutch. If I eat safely and have an attack, I will be back at square one psycologically b/c I will feel helpless over the IBS. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Is it just that a lot of time has to go by without attacks and becoming stable to make me really believe that d won't happen at inopportune moments? It's such a vicious cycle b/c I know my stress about d starts the d... ugh!! 
I was thinking about getting the hypno cds...I don't know...I don't really want to spend the money b/c I am so busy that I don't know that I could really follow through with them the way they are supposed to work.
As far as the Acacia increasing goes, aside from this holiday hoopla that has gotten me in a tiffy, I was still wondering if I should increase? I am eating a decent amount of IF without any major attacks but sometimes my belly feels a little vulnerable, if you know what I mean. I think I'll stay the same right now b/d I don't foresee myself eating too much IF this month out of fear of an SF/IF imbalance to go along with my stress and schedule.
Well, sorry this post is so long. I feel okay today...vulnerable, but I made it through half the day. Now the problem is that I haven't had any IF and don't want to b/c I have plans this evening with my kids. Please let me know if anyone has anything else to add to how I am feeling. 
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Originally IBS-D for a million years!
Then IBS-A, Now a transformed slightly C
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Re: help...starting to take immodium again!
