I know it seems like an eternity when you're trying to get your guts to calm down, and I totally remember feeling like I didn't know what I was doing... but everything will fall into place... just keep believing that, because it really *does* help to stay as optimistic as you can about things.
Definitely address the anxiety issue. I had/have HUGE problems with anxiety, and they can make your IBS a thousand times worse than it already is. Do try the hypno tapes if you can - so many people have had success with them. A therapist could also help, as can yoga, exercise, and meditation. Medications are an option, but by no means are they the only one.
The fear will go away. Promise.  It takes a while, but little by little, as you work on the anxiety problems and keep eating well, you'll find yourself getting more confident again and less afraid to do things. And don't compare yourself to anyone else, sicker than you or not - IBS is such an individual thing, there's just no point in comparing, especially if it just brings you further down.
I'm glad I could help a little. Hang in there, and keep posting - all of us "old timers" know all about the bad, hopeless days!
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Aww... hang in there....
