Well, it's been awhile since I've been here on the boards....I suppose that's a good sign though, because I've been doing really well. Definitely what I could consider stable. Still some Immodium here and there in situations that things might be bad to go awry, but mostly just Heather's wonderful diet. I've even gotten to the point where I could easily get away with "in good faith" cheating...the kind like ordering a turkey sandwhich or a chicken salad wrap or grilled chicken or something, without asking near as many questions...the kind where it was "probably safe" but might have had traces of milk/ egg yolk/ been a little too high in fat, etc. Things I never ever could have tolerated before, but basically still following the principles and such. I've certainly not gone out and had a cheeseburger and milkshake thought! Yikes--not even the slightest desire for those things anymore.
But, lately, the D is back, this time with bad nausea (but similar to the "impending feeling of doom" nausea that comes with D, more than the carsick kind of nausea, if that makes sense). And my happily balanced diet (plenty of food, lots of stir fry, grilled chicken and veggies, bread, rice, cooked fruits (and a few raw sometimes!) all that) has been drastically reduced in a desperate attempt to get things back under control. Now, in a normal day, I might eat a small bowl of oatmeal, and a small bowl of scrambled egg beaters with turkey. That seems to sit fine, but anymore more food (even more of those foods) or many other foods, and I'm spending the day in the bathroom. Sometimes a bit of tuna (no mayo or anything) or a Luna bar is alright too, so long as I haven't had much else. I'm baffled.
Tonight, for dinner I had microwave organic tofu Pad Thai (I hadn't had this particular brand before, but according to the box, it meets all the rules to the letter, perfect ingredients, no triggers, a small amount of veggies cooked, lots of noodles....Asian food has always been my happy safety net) and an ABC double chocolate decadent cookie (insert plug here for ABC: Alternative Baking Company, all kinds of delicious cookies with no dairy, eggs, HFCS, or trans-fats, ever) which I've had many times before. I was so sick I couldn't leave the bathroom.
I'm just baffled. I know my diet hasn't exactly reduced to the "what you can eat when you can't eat anything" type diet, but it wasn't intentionally, just where I ended up. At the beginning on the diet, I ate mostly pretzels and applesauce and babyfood, and even those lack appeal now. Just smelling food is enough to turn my stomach. I thought maybe it was just a stomach bug, but it's gone on for weeks, and the feeling of D is just too familiar for me to be in denial any longer.
I know I need variety in my diet, and I know I need to a way to be eating more food, but I'm just at a loss. I feel like I'm sucked back into a downward cycle....
Any words of wisdom out there?
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