against my better judgement, today, i had to cave at my weakness and take some laxatives just to make it thru the night. so far from funny, i feel like im dying--and like ive been dying for the past few weeks. maybe longer still, just recently the pain has gotten so severe. i suffered the craziest most painful gas-attack i can remember in a long time no less then 4 days ago. it was awful and since then my GI tract has been closed for business but that doesnt mean that that pesky gas hasnt taken off yet! or that its ridden me of the stress as to who will know I'M the one with the gas i go day in and day out with this same exact fear. suddenly stability seems the furthest from me. the laxatives i bought [dulcolax] were an awful choice and a shun myself for even thinking to buy them only, i know that they will work, for tonight. maybe tomorrow ill buy some safe ones assuming i have $17 to spend/waste on all-natural safe laxatives [sarcasim] this is so frustrating as well as a whole other list of different adjectives but my heart is just not in the right place to broaden my horizon with a colorful vocab. im losing my strength and each day, the desire to stablize lessons. not b/c i dont want to, but its becoming too hard when life keeps getting in the way. im so uncomfortable and so out of whack. and alas i dont know what to do.
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a bump in the road
i go day in and day out with this same exact fear. suddenly stability seems the furthest from me. the laxatives i bought [dulcolax] were an awful choice and a shun myself for even thinking to buy them only, i know that they will work, for tonight. maybe tomorrow ill buy some safe ones assuming i have $17 to spend/waste on all-natural safe laxatives [sarcasim] this is so frustrating as well as a whole other list of different adjectives but my heart is just not in the right place to broaden my horizon with a colorful vocab. im losing my strength and each day, the desire to stablize lessons. not b/c i dont want to, but its becoming too hard when life keeps getting in the way. im so uncomfortable and so out of whack. and alas i dont know what to do.
