Well, I was doing better, but now I'm worse again.
I made a big mistake, we all have our enemies.
I was in the process of shedding off the colonix, then somebody brought frosting into the house.
I went nuts, I could not stop eating it, and now I'm paying.
Oh, am I paying.
I have c, my stomach feels simply overinflated, stuffed, filled to the brim.
I tried to have a good dinner tonight, I ordered Chinese food.
I asked for the steamed chicken from the healthy dish section, with no oil included.
I got my dinner, it was swimming in a brown, greasy sauce.
I opened it after I left the store.
After having some of it, I was unsure, since it looked greasy but was supposed to not have oil, if this was indeed a bad food.
I stopped eating it.
I went back, and had a ten minute argument with the store manager having to explain my dilemna and get the money.
It didn't matter, on the way home, I became incredibly uncomfortable in my stomach.
All the work, progress I made, seemed to be going away second by second.
I was practically in tears, screaming at myself internally.
I don't want to come off as negative, but sometimes, I want to scream and surronder at the top of my lungs.
I got so far, and now I'm back to the old days of daily IBS conflicts.
The worst part is, this is really taking the fun out of life.
Tomorrow night I am supposed to go out for my birthday dinner.
Instead of being excited about it, looking foward to it tonight, I instead am almost hoping it snows and I have to cancel.
Two years, if you had told me I would have really good friends who would be taking me out to dinner for my birthday, I would have cried in happiness.
Instead all I am thinking about is how ugly I look, how all the months of training have gone to waste, and how on my birthday dinner I am going to look like a fat out of shape person, when I rarely eat bad or drink.
Which brings up another issue, they are going to want to go out drinking tomorrow.
I don't want to go. My stomach is not well right now, drinking is only going to exasperate it moreso.
The main thing, I know five years from now, if I go out tomorrow in the mentality I have right now, I will regret it.
You are supposed to enjoy moments like these, I don't want to look back in a few days or years and be thinking, boy did I waste a good oppurtunity to have fun.
I say this as I can't help shed a couple of tears, I just want to go out and have fun tomorrow, instead of having anxiety, worrying, about my appearance and IBS, that's it.
Things like that, forgetting trouble for a couple hours and chilling out, how do you do that?
To me, those things are impossible, whenever I have a problem, even if it is not IBS, I can't forget it, and it ends up dominating my thoughts at the worst time when I am trying to have fun.
I tried tonight calming myself down, I took a warm shower, took fibercon along with Benefiber, and mad Ginger Cinnamon tea, it helped calm me down, if only I know some way to help me forget IBS and enjoy myself.
I don't want to have it takeover what should be my special time tomorrow, I really do not want such to occur.
IBS-C and Bloating