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I hate thinking that I can't eat whatever I want. It's like, I restricted myself from so many foods in the past because I "wanted" to due to the ED, but now I have to avoid foods.

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I don't think our ED's will permanently effect us if we really make sure to change our destructive patterns.

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Honestly? Do you really think your symptoms were improving before you got pregnant? From what you say, it sure sounds like yours is more due to the pregnancy. How long did you suffer from your Eating disorder?

I had an eating disorder for about 20 years almost. Yes, I started young and kept at it up until about 1 or 2 years ago...I forget.

I had both anorexia (predominately) and some years of bulimia thrown in there. Bingeing and purging were everyday episodes. My body was either empty and had nothing to digest...or it was coming back up the wrong way and not traveling down through the digestive system normally.

I never abused laxatives, though. That's what my doctor says leads to permanent damage. But I'm afraid the nerves are damaged and that the abnormal eating over the years reinforced the harmful nerve functioning. I read where the longer you are in pain, the more ingrained your system becomes to this pain and it becomes normal for you to have the pain. It "gets used to it" and it is like it is reprogrammed to hurt.

I did have a point of stability in the first half of my Ed when it was getting better. But never since then, even though I don't actively have the ED now. I'm just really, really scared that I have done permanent damage and will always be in pain because of something stupid I did....abusing my body for years. I guess it's payback time. Now is the time the ED is over and I would happily eat a big piece of chocolate cake or a stuffed pizza....and yet, the ED has won. Even if I don't want it...it continues to remind me that food is bad...not because of gaining weight, but now because it means pain.

Sorry for my long reply. I'm just really looking for someone to tell me this isn't the case...and I don't think anyone really can do that without either lying to me or not being 100% sure that the pain will get better. I hope I'm wrong about this...but I doubt it.

I pray for God to heal me and to give me strength. My family still thinks I have an ED...even though I try to explain that I cannot eat some foods because of the pain. That really hurts. I never lose the "ED label" no matter how hard I have worked to beat it.

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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!

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