Thanks for all the sweet things you've said.
I know what you mean about OSC teachers- I've done that and daycare teaching too, and it doesn't remotely compare!! I ran a dayhome and was almost SUICIDAL after that 4 months. The baby I took in was my daughter's age and cried CONSTANTLY. I researched like a maniac to try to "help" her but i finally gave up because I couldn't handle the crying and my hubby being angry about getting no sleep(he owns a restaurant and works nights) and the kid was awful and the parents were Nazis. 
ANYHOW!!!! It lasted four months. So did my daycare stint, LOL.
As for the stepfather from he!!, he was gone when I was 10, so it's residual but it wasn't lifelong, thank God.
Yeah, i know what you mean about sharing feelings- my friends have always been super extroverted, and when i married my Dh, I got out of the party scene and lost a lot of friends. Now I'm in this new city and have few friends, and of course, being someone qwho craves that "best friendship", it drives me NUTS that I am a substitute teacher who never gets a place of work to go to every day...and that my DH works nights andf weekends, so there's no "couples nights" etc...etc...It will get better, but just like you, I'm sorta stymied in life too.
I want to have another baby, but till I get a full time teaching job we can't afford to. We want to buy a house, but till i get that contract, we can't afford to. I can't ge5t a teaching job when there are none out here, and we can't move ecause my DH has just invested a ton in his restaurant. AUGHHH!!!It makes me insane. The worst part is there's nothing I can do to make it better beyond what I have done. Teaching jobs find YOU, not vice versa. I've applied for each one I see, and just have to wait till it comes. i'm a very outgoing person who's so willing to do what it takes, and the principals out there see that, but they can't give jobs they don't have. So stupid. 
OK, I'm done now. What a rant. And I wonder why I'm in gut agony today.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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