Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Really frustrated and sad....

I keep thinking I'm getting "better," and then somethng will happen like it did this morning. I recently started eating somewhat normal again after really restricting my diet and without really realizing it, my calorie intake. I am staying with my parents now to try and heal, and they are feeding me good and safe food, which is helping me eat more. I will have like 2 or 3 okay days where i mainly just go to the bathroom a lot in the morning. Yesterday I had like 4 small meals, the last one being at 6:00. THat meal was at a resturant and I think I ate more than I was hungry for. I started feeling fairly bloated afterwards. I ate a bananna a few hours later. Then I didn't eat all night, and I didn't go to sleep until 3:00 am, before which, I had a few pretzels. I was having this feeling like I was both bloated and really hungry, and I couldn't figure out if I should eat or not... but that makes like 9 hrs since dinner of not really eating anything. So this morning I woke up and went to the toliet 5 times, one after the other, and each BM was a different form, some stringy, some pebble-like. But that was okay, there wasn't that much in each movement. Then I ate some oatmeal, and suddenly I had to go really badly, and went so so so much, with a little D in it. I got so frustrated I just couldn't stop crying. I'm trying so hard to gain weight and learn how to control this, and I've been dealing with it for like 6 months now! I can't seem to get it under control for more than a few days, or maybe I'm just eating too much and then not eating enough? I don't know what I'm doing wrong... I still am going through some emotional stress so it could be that. Or maybe it's the insult to my gut I caused by restricting my diet so severely and now it's having difficulty getting used to eating "normal" again? I'm so confused and looking for answers...
I'm also really scared that this is just the start of some really horrible disease. I'm 25 and had a stool sample done, a CBC, a test for Celiac and an upper GI. I'm scared this is the start of ulcerative colitus or something? I have a friend who had that and it seems really terrible. Does anyone know if it starts this way? All my tests were normal but I called my GI doc freaking out one day (I really hate him by the way, he's very unfriendly and yuk), and I told him I couldn't stop going to the bathroom (it was the day before my period) and he said to come in and get more tests. He called to cancel my appointment, then tried to reschedule but I never called back because I got too scared. I feel fairly sure that I just have IBS, and the stress of getting other tests makes me have a flare up, so I really don't want to get anymore done! Do you think I need a colonospcopy??
After this morning I just kept crying and crying. It seems when I have some good days the bad days seem so much worse, because I have the mirror of good days. I was never this bad before and I just wonder if this has gotten so bad because I choose to really focus on it? I'm not working and I just have so much TIME where I think and think about it. Espcially in the mornings when lying in bed.... that's when I go about 6 times, and I wonder if it's fear of pooping that's making me poop?
All I want is to gain weight- this is SO FRUSTRATING!

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