For me and I probably am recommending it but I don't really, when I cut off alot of my social life and backed off into the house, I let myself forget things.. dwell on past situations, mostly about me and who I am and what can I do to make things better. Trial and error will tell you in time what you need to do, and it's only these little steps that will help you. I was and still am to a point consious of my breathing, sometimes feeling like I need to calm down and in a way my mind makes my body contrict my breathing making me that much worse.
It's hard to explain but the train situation you explained yeah i've done it, I've done a 'hard' thing once and dared and done it and the feelings disappated, next day im panicking in mind if im ok etc over that same situation and its like asif I went backwards instead of forwards. To me that was when I knew I was insecure, I use to keep thinking 'god I hope no one sees me like this' like really laboured and panic looking(if I was, I dont know!). I was pretty paranoid after those initial situations that I didn't look normal anymore to passing people!
You asked me on the other forum about meds if I had taken any, I did briefly go on anti depressants but I was too put off with the effects after just 1 weekend. I went on beta blockers though reluctantly, did they help or didnt they.. I've never been sure, they do not affect mental state at all, merely stop your body over reacting I think. I can see alot of great uses for them in certain situations. Interviews, busy places etc. I was on them every day for many months but soon wanted off them. There was a fear that a situation without them wasnt handalable but you make your own personal adjustments on how to deal with it, even if you make a step backwards just to get off them.
More to the point, I just started over I suppose, hence the point I didnt go outside hardly.. became completely independant very slowly, and built up from just doing simple yet hard things for me, going to the shop.. becoming comfortable with that, going to a slightly further shop - as time went on and it was hard to relax even still.. really thats where one of my old school friends came into play and I hanged around with him, I explained bits and bobs to him but I think its very hard for people to understand. Anyway that took alot of focus and worry out the way when I was out, I could relax and have a laugh and take mind of things, even if I did worry alittle he could speak about anything and it'd draw my attention away. I suppose a part was the worrying and having the mind on it. Gradually became more comfortable. I wasn't working during this long period and nor was he, a very laid back person(even lazy in a way!). Things just built up, I was struggling to think I could handle a job until I found the right one that I was comfortable with.. and I just gradually and still am now becoming alot more secure, even going into shopping centres and clubbing I do. I'm still not as independant as I was, like going into a shopping centre by myself. It's something im not pushing myself to do, I'm pretty comfortable with a large slice of my life thats the main thing and one day i'll come to it.
I think a large part of it is just the worrying and making a big deal out of things. If you go in there more relaxed and casual it tends to be alot better. Infact going back to that train situation(or anything close I see it like this).
I view it as first situation : relaxed, thinking if i feel uneasy i can turn back least ive tried and come out.
second situation : am i feeling as relaxed, how am i feeling, am i ok like last time?
In short i'd say your too busy worrying about comparing it to the first situation and that's why it just doesnt seem any better.
Anyway I hope this helps if theres anything you'd like to ask please let me know.
I'd summarise that whole chunk and say it's really just being comfortable with yourself again and it takes time. Old friend's go a long way to helping though.
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Re: Need to get some things off my chest
