your story with me. I feel not so "ashamed". That's not exactly the word I'm looking for. I guess I'm just worried that people with think I "deserve" what I'm going through now because I did abuse my body. Even though at the time, I felt like I had no choice. It wasn't something I chose to have. Anorexia and then bulimia both kind of had a grip on me, I did not choose them. It was an innocent diet that turned into a long nightmare that had me in it's grips.
I know that is why now, even though I don't restrict, diet, weigh food, count calories, or anything, that with all the food restrictions of the IBS, my family does not believe or accept the fact that I cannot eat dairy or red meat or all the deadly food sins. They just pass it off as my Eating Disorder is still "active" and controling my life. That hurts because I fought so hard to overcome my ED and I guess I wanted some credit for it? And it angers me that they don't get that the IBS food restrictions are totally separate from Eating Disorder problems.
I know what you mean about body distortion. And my bloated belly continues to play mind games with my distortion. I am still under 100 pounds or around there, so I know I am still underweight (I'm 5'5") but the belly makes me feel fat, fat, fat! And all clothes are tight! So I think how can I gain more weight when I feel this fat already!
And even when I was at my lowest, I saw myself as what I weighed before that all started. I have heard that a lot of people go through that who have lost a lot of weight like you. They still see themselves as that over 200 pound person. I don't know how you get over that. You know in your mind that you aren't that big because you see the number on the scale, but the mind doesn't register it. And I can see how you are nervous to jump from 105 to 125 because you may be afraid that it won't stop since you've been heavy in the past. Oh, these mind games.
My friend was bulimic and lost weight down to 100 pound too. She has maintained a healthy weight of 130 pounds for almost 15 years now or longer, yet she still tells me that she fights with wanting to go back to that lower weight somedays. Maybe it never leaves you. You just have to not act on it.
Oh, about the vegas board, I wasn't sure what it was, so I stopped in and saw all these people posting their meals. That's when I got the idea to see what stable IBS people were actually able to eat. It was a light bulb moment! To see in one forum a list of daily foods that people were eating instead of posting seperate posts asking different people what they ate for ideas. I was going to post this idea as a suggestion to other leery eaters, but I didn't want the "reporting in folks" to feel like we were nosing into their business if we weren't sharing or using the board for the same purpose. Guess I'm busted on my spying now too!  Oh no, she's a former anorexic/bulimic and a spy! But seriously, it has helped me to see what other people are able to eat in a day, to get meal ideas, to see how many and what types of fruits and veggies others are tolerating, etc. I have not been so brave as to try some newer foods (except for my lentils!) but it has helped to see that others can handle spinache, lentils, and chickpeas, and other things on a daily basis. BTW, you eat a lot of potatos and spinach  How come you don't report your menus anymore, just your fruits and veggies? And when you report bananas, are they fresh bananas or do you count it even if it is in a bread, like banana bread? I didn't think you ate fresh naners! And it seems like people aren't listing their individual foods as much just points, exercise, and BMR's and other numbers I don't understand!
Okay, now maybe I should have emailed this post to you, as again who's gonna want to read all this! Since it's directed for you, does that leave anyone else who would be interested? 
I still want to email you and share some stuff with you, sweetie. About what's going on etc. I have so much to tell. Now whether you'll be interested is another story!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Thanks for sharing..
