I can relate! I am a writer and very dependent on caffeine during deadline time. However, I actually have more "true" energy now that I'm off coffee. I will never go back to coffee but I do have a little caffeine each day in the form of green tea. I seem to tolerate it ok. I limit it to one cup of caffeinated stuff and the rest of the time I just drink herbal tea. I find just having something hot to drink is sort of a psychological crutch. I would also try natural ways of boosting energy, such as exercise and yoga. I'm not in such a high-pressure situation as you describe, and I do empathize, but I think you CAN do it caffeine free if you want. Also you actually MAY be depressed and there are drugs for that, if appropriate, that can help your energy and focus without the caffeine highs and lows. Good luck!