Hi
I quite understand your frustrations w/ your significant others. And the increased anxiety it can bring on the body, and thus, the IBS episodes. I spent 29 years w/ a man who gave me migraines...until I decided to do something about him and them! 
I suggest you both ask your hubbies for what you need. State it in positive terms, using "I" messages (I need for you to call when you are going to be late or {whatever the situation might be} because when I don't hear from you, I become anxious, worried, scared,(whatever the emotion might be), and your phone call helps to calm me down, and then I don't get anxious, etc  . Having said that to them, leave it. You have asked for them to fill a need you have, it's now their responsibility. If they start talking about it in terms of checking up on them, ignore that. It's a red herring (a diversion from the issue). And I think in both instances, it worked for them, because you both are kind of finding excuses for them , and feeling rather emotional about it all, thus, not helping your anxiety or your IBS. You know, in their hearts they know they should have let you know something...and that's why they are using the red herring.
I also suggest if you haven't read it to get John Grey's book about Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
I am no expert, ladies, but I feel your pain and want to help...
Good luck 
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Sue
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To: Lana and "Nugget"
