Hey Guys,
Just got back from The Farm, where we're still in the process of moving in. I was able to lift my vanity and haul it upstairs with hubby, with no pain. I guess my back is really getting better, eh?
I hated leaving The Farm and coming back to this condo. It was tough. Down on The Farm, I'm all by myself among all the cedars and firs, and I like it. It's quiet, all I hear is the wind blowing through the trees and the birds singing.
I spotted my only neighbor sitting on her porch, with her rottie, having her lunch. She saw me, I'm sure, but didn't make any effort to acknowledge me. She's even more in the woods than I am (if you can believe that), and she lives alone. I acknowledged her presence, saying, "Hi, Joanne! How ya' doin'?" She was polite, but I know she wants her privacy -- and I'm more than willing to give it to her.
Actually, truth be known, I want the same thing. Well, I don't WANT it, it's just that it seems to be thrown upon me. I'm alone, and, although I never intended for it to happen, it just did. Hubby agrees; it's what he wants too.
If something happens to him, I truly AM alone. We're moving to the back woods, away from people and things happening.
Okay, I'm a little snockered right now. Hubby and I came back to the condo, bummed out that we have to be back here, and we had a Jack -- okay, a second Jack. So if I'm not making any sense, you know why.
I'm scared because I see me becoming more and more of a hermit -- and I don't know what to do about it. While I want the house decorated perfectly, "just in case" someone drops by, really it's decorated that way for ME. No one is going to drop by. And it's because that's the way I've apparently created my environment.
I'm a likeable person -- I THINK -- but I seem to avoid people for some reason. I must come across as a stand-offish kind of person. I don't like that about me, but I don't know what to do about it.
Guys, I gotta tell ya, I've seen this coming on for a long time now. I'm a very considerate person, very compassionate, but yet I see myself shying away from people as time passes. If I find a friend, it seems somehow I lose that friend for one reason or another. It's easier to just break it off than try to make it work. I don't WANT to work at a friendship; it's too hard. Besides, I really don't know how.
Okay, I'm rambling, I'm not making sense -- it's the Jack talking I guess.
But I can see me moving into The Farm and being secluded and alone. This can't be healthy, and yet I don't know what to do about it......
If I lose contact with the Boards here, what will I have then?
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Becoming a Hermit -- Oy
