Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Re: AmandaPanda.. and any others that want to help with boy problems!

Hi Ashley,

I hope you don't mind some help from someone on the other team. But a guy's perspective may help out a bit.

First off, I can totally see how you would get upset. You even said it yourself that you've fallen head over heels for this guy and have given him your heart. It's a scary experience, and you feel that with him willing to 'downsize' the relationship maybe he doesn't feel the same way, or maybe 'uh oh' you're putting more into this than he is and you really don't want to get hurt. Your 'ring on the finger' reference leads me to believe that with the guy willing to move away your 'safety net' that this is THE relationship may have disappeared, but if you guys were engaged, you'd still have it and not feel at all uneasy about him moving out (although you probably wouldn't like it). Is that at least kinda close?

You totally have a right to be upset. You guys have been together for a while and as a couple, you guys have to approach big decisions like this with input from the other.

However, getting really upset at him is the absolute last thing you want to be doing. A little upset yes, but freaking out yelling, swearing and crying at him = not good.

I can't speak for him, but there's a few things that need to be looked at.

First off, looking at things in a logical perspective (which doesn't always work in relationships

17 miles is really short. I'm willing to bet that after a month of him living on his own and only seeing you a couple times a week, he'd realize, ok, this is dumb.

That being said, guys can be quite dumb when it comes to relationships. I'm willing to bet that he doesn't see how you feel him moving away would hurt you. He probably just thinks of it as a bit of a challenge that you guys will over come. He's probably looking at it in that saving you the commute is doing you a favour and him not doing the commute means he'll be better able to suceed in school and therefore be better able to provide for you in the future and be in better moods when you do see each other.

There's the saying that you catch more flies with honey (or something like that). And that sort holds true here. Freaking out at him will only drive him away further. Guys want to be your protector, your knighht in shinning armour, the one you turn to when in distress or if there's a bug in the kitchen. They don't want to be your whipping post. Getting really really upset at him is not the answer. (easier said than done I know)

Seriously, take some time, but talk to him calmly without freaking out about it outlining your concerns an dthat you feel that the benefits of living together and having each other as support far out weighs the cons of one or both of you having to commute. Again, I don't know him, but a little trick that would work on most guys. Tell him how you've really grown to rely on him and how just seeing him after you've had a long crappy day or a day with your stomach bothering you, can really brighten your day. Or something along those lines, it'll make him feel more important. Guys are weird that way.

OK well I've rambled on long enough, I hope some of this happens to help.

Good Luck and keep us posted.

Jamie

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