Hi Nurturing,
I'm probably not the person to respond to this because, God knows, I had a lousy relationship with my mother. I've posted my story previously, so I won't go into it again. I've been estranged from my mother for over 30 years. I don't even know if she's still alive.
I do remember trying to make amends with her once -- she flew out west here to visit. I hadn't seen her in a very long time and I had hoped she had changed. I was so afraid I was just like her, and I didn't want to be; but I felt I should try one last time to establish some kind of relationship with her.
It was a BIG mistake. She hadn't changed ONE BIT. Almost everything was the same -- just like when I was a child -- except for one big difference. I HAD CHANGED. I no longer was willing to tolerate her, and I realized there could be no relationship between us -- EVER.
This probably doesn't help you at all. Except maybe to say that I don't think you can change her. You're going to have to work around that fact. You can try talking to her, but I know that would not have worked with my mother. I think, more than anything, you need to be true to YOURSELF. If she's doing something that annoys you, if you don't let her know then it'll just eat at you until it comes out in some other form -- like IBS, for instance! IF your mom doesn't like what you're telling her and gets huffy and leaves, well, then she gets huffy and leaves. Maybe it'll give you some peace and quiet! 
Above all, when it's over and she comes back, I would not apologize to her -- if you did nothing wrong. Otherwise, she'll think she can do it all over again. I guess I'd try to establish that I was the adult now and needed to be treated accordingly. You deserve the same respect that you afford her.
Gosh, I hope I'm helping and not preaching. I hate it when that happens, don't you?!?
Good luck --
Bev.
--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
Mothers!
