Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

Hi everyone,

I haven't left or forgotten you al but it seems this is a time for me to be tested.

I can't even remember what I last posted but this is what has been going on for me.

The last transfer sadly did not work but we decided to continue and have a go the very next month.

Nov 26th - My father in law (my husband's step father since he was young - his real father passed away suddenly last year from a heart attack) was diagnosed with aggressive pancreatic cancer.

Nov 27th - our embryos were thawed in preparation for our transfer on the 28th. They kept succumbing and we had to thaw 6 of those precous beings in order to have 2 to transfer.

- I sensed things weren't right with my husband and took him to the GP with what I thought might be depression. My GP did nothing which I would later curse him for!

Nov 28th - I went to the hospital for transfer number 4 while Brad (my husband) stayed with his Mum during my father -in-laws massive operation that took 7.5 hours.

Nov 29th - Brad has a complete breakdown and the things that happened there will break my heart forever. The pain of watching somene you love suffer so much is so hard. He was admitted to hospital and remains there now.

Dec 6th - Harrison's 3rd birthday party. Brad was allowed by the doctor for me to pick him up to go to the party and return him afterwards. Again my heart was broken by the sight of my husband who adores our child not taking any interest in him or me.

Dec 7th - today.

I have no idea when Brad will be home. It's so hard trying to stay positive and be strong. With all that's happened to me lately I don't know where I can get any more strength but I know I need to find it somewhere. I almost feel as if Brad has died because it's like his body is here but his spirit is somewhere else. It's so hard arriving at the hospital and not even seeing a flicker of happiness in his eyes at seeing me.

He always used to tell me how much he loved me and missed me and I know he still does but is not capable of showing it. But it makes me feel so lost without him. He was always my rock and I consider myself to be more of a bowl of jelly (if you damage the container at all the rest falls apart!) I'm just so scared that I won't be able to hold all the pieces together.

The only real interaction or show of emotion I have had from Brad is when he put his hand on my stomach and said "I know this one has worked". Now I'm so scared of how it will affect him if it doesn't.

Has anyone else been through a similiar thing with a partner? I could really do with some insight here.

Kerrie

--------------------
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Print Remind Me Notify Moderator