Well I spent Saturday packing probably way too many clothes!!  My personal thermostat seems to be broken and I usually run real hot and both the prednisone and cymbalta cause excess sweating so I figured I would need two outfits a day, one for the day and one for evening!
I am in the process of streamlining my make-up and hair products but because my hair is so thin from the drugs, it still requires a bit of extra goo or its just way too thin and limp. I got my toes painted bright red and went out and bought a bright red lipstick yesterday. It was sorta funny, I wear MAC make-up and the people at the counter are usually very helpful but my girlfriend and I went to a different store yesterday and there was a guy helping us. I kept telling him I wanted RED, he kept showing me mauve, pink, burgundy, anything but red, so I finally said to him, "look, I am going on vacation with my husband and want hooker, slut RED!!!" I think that embarrassed him a bit because he turned red himself but I finally found the most hookerriffic red lipstick!!! I am taking one nice dress, its a white satin halter style dress with black polka dots and I thought a nice, subtle brown shadow with the bright red lipstick would look super cute!
I am super excited but at the same time, I have a weary feeling. I so need to get away, relax and have a little fun. However, I am not sure what this strange feeling I am having deep in my gut (no, its not IBS!  )! Maybe since the last few years sooo much has gone wrong for me that I think something is going to go wrong. Will and I have drifted apart as well and I am hoping to reconnect a bit with him and maybe I am putting too much pressure on the trip or us or I guess I just don't know.
Does anyone else get like this before a vacation? Two days after we get back, I see the pain specialist and than have several more doctors appts. For the last few weeks, I just haven't dealt with anything as I am out of dealing capabilities at the moment. What if I still can not deal with everything when I get back?
Like I said, I am super excited but at the same time kinda depressed and a bit freaked out. I am not afraid of flying and I feel pretty good about the girl watching the dogs for me and we have someone coming to the house to check on things and feed the kitty so pretty much everything is taken care of. Maybe its partly from switching around my drugs. The doctors have made several changes and one of them was my antidepressant. I went from 100mg of zoloft to 40mg of cymbalta. I stopped the methotrexate the end of February and I am really hurting so I am worried about getting around at the resort even though we have made arrangements with the front desk for us to have someone drive us around in a golf cart! I guess I am just tired of hurting and know the reality of it is that I am still going to hurt when I get back.
Sorry, I guess I am just rambling now. I don't really have anyone to talk to right now. Hubby is really stressed out and I don't want to put a damper on the happy vacation vibes at home and my girlfriend just started a new job today and she is stressed as well. Anyways, thanks for listening.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Leaving for Mexico Wednesay
