My love goes out to you, sweetie. i know how difficult that must be for you. My father was held hostage and raped by two murderurs when he was 19...and had to go to their trials and probation hearings etc. He has finally, thirty five years later, found peace in himself and forgiven the men.
Sweetheart, the best advice I can give you for this is to NEVER let it fester. Get those feelings out! Do not let this hold you hostage for half of your life, as my father did.