Hey Digby,
I can relate. I strictly follow the diet, exercise at least 4 times a week, tried CBT.. blah blah blah....and still have anxiety. My doctor figured out I had a serotonin deficiency (I guess that one of the blood tests he ran on me revealed this). I had to accept that in some cases you can try all you like and you won't be able to control the problem. That was the hardest thing for me to accept, that I didn't have control over this anxiety thing.
For now, medication is the best way for me to cope since I have a lot of stress in my life. Anxiety (coupled with all the stress) was making life unbearable. Like Atomic Rose, I was feeling "sick" all the time and could barely muster the strength to leave the house. I started taking Effexor and now I feel I have my life back. Controlling my anxiety relieves about 90% of my IBS symptoms.
I know some people don't do well on Effexor, but for me it's been a godsend. I am not on a very high dosage, so perhaps that's why. The first few days I had side effects: sleeplessness and a mild headache, but after that I have had nothing. Everything works differently on each person. I am a firm believer that sometimes you need a little help beyond what you can do yourself and if that means you have to take some meds for a while, then so be it.
I hope you feel better soon!
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