My shrink appointment apporaches this evening. IT HAS RUINED MY DAY thinking about it.
This is the free clinic guy who cancelled in April, then cancelled in May. It's june and now I have to face this sschmo to rehash my situation in the 45 minute lightening round. NOT looking forward to it, least of all today.
How do I start this thing? I hate my parents? Shall we forayinto the sex abuse right away? My crappy quality of life/not finding real joy in the moment EVER, or the severe poverty + abject neglact that's honed me into the brave funny self-loathing person I am today. Or the constant agonizing pain of IBS?
OK< DEEP BREATH.
I am shaking in fear over this. Not great because my gran died last week, plus today's the bday of my best friend from high school stricken down in his 20's by a fast moving lymphoma. Why today of alll days?
I'm planning to do the IBS routine, stress that I am in need of quality of life, I was a high functining exec before I became incapacitated with fibro (at least so much so that I can't do the 9-5 workplace anymore). Then I'll wait with bated breath to see if he's a believer in these conditions, then go from there.
MAN. What gets me is that the free GI I see told me I'd have to see a shrink because looking over my chart I "might be depressed." Hm, random life-altering pain attacks for 30 years, no energy or drive, no joy? Depressed? Sure I'll take the pill. Oh but wait, I've taken em already and they make me suicidal. Ever been a cutter?
Happy medium please? Possibly a morphine drip in one arm, an Imodium drip in the other, and regulated consumptions of chocolate pudding cake round the clock should do the trick.
~nelly~ (masking her fear with a visual joke)
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