Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | you'd have a LOT of letters to write ...

if you ever decided to say goodbye. Don't believe me? How many letters did everyone here send you when you lost the twins? You are loved and valued. I am always amazed when I see you reply to other people's posts about fertility questions. I know you are not a very religious person but if you believe there is a plan for each of us or at least a mission for us each to take on, think of how your horrible trials have made you a more compassionate person to couples having fertility problems. You know better than anyone that there is a serious lack of compassion in that field.

I definitely think you need to alert your therapist and / or physician about the feelings you are having. Then maybe you should think about a career switch. I know that might seem huge and overwhelming but if you don't feel like your life has any purpose right now, you gotta take that into your own hands and give yourself something purposeful to do. If you think you have the stomach for it and are ready to talk about the topic, maybe you can get a job at a fertility center and be a reassuing presence for women who are going through what you are going through. You already know just about everything about the topic. If you're not ready for that, maybe just become a moderator on a fertility message board (if you're not already).

To answer your other questions, no, I don't think that healthy and happy people have the thoughts you are having. I do have very lazy down days when I don't feel like doing anything, and I have had periods where I'm very sad and depressed (following breakups and deaths, for example), but I think I've always been aware that the hard times will pass and that I'll get through it. I hope that's a helpful answer.

I know better than to try to force my faith on someone else, but I think my belief in God is what has gotten me through the hardest times.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

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Amanda

I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin

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