I need a little psycho-cleansing as my friend calls venting. I'm in the midst of panicking, ibs attacking, and thinking about why it makes me panic so much. Its better than writing in my journal about how scared and panicked i am, the more I voice it , the worse it gets.
Was anyone else hospitalized as a child with gut problems? I was for 2 weeks as a preteen, and I think its a main source of my panic attacks even today. I associate that feeling of nausea with being out of control and unsafe. I was out of school for 2 months at the time and it turned out I had an ulcer. It was not a nice time, I had a sigmoidoscopy, and a barrium enema the 1st was painful as anything and the 2nd was horrible in its own way especially at age 11. A month or 2 later I had an endoscopy which sucked but wasn't as bad.
After that my ibs, which was already present, was much worse. I never really thought about it until this moment, believe it or not, but I was aware that I had a problem with my stomach ever since that hospital stay when I was 11. Before that I don't think my symptoms were different, I just didn't know that I was different than everyone else. Since then I've been in the er 3 times after stomach bugs hit me, and it terrifies me to get that out of control of my stomach.
Right now, even though I took the hyosciamine and I feel a little less cramped, I can't let myself get optimistic. ITs as if thinking I might be getting better will let my guard down and I'll have to throw up. I know that makes no sense. So I'll wait here until I feel much better or until I just conk out. I spoke to my sister and promised her I'd take a xanax, but I haven't - why not? I dont know! I think its about control. Also I know that if my stomach feels better I won't panic anymore. okay thanks for reading...
--------------------
Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
Re: Childhood hospitalization still affects me
