Re: Ok wise ones, SERIOUS advice needed (for a friend) -LONG
03/02/06 02:36 PM
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Hey Tina..
Its very nice of you to look out for your friend.
My question is.. does your friend want to leave him? or does she think everything is ok, and make excuses? If so, just telling her to leave will be more difficult. From a psychologist perspective, I think that the part you and other friends can play is to help her realize that she wants to leave him herself.
Friends can have the best interests in mind, but if a person doens't beleive it themselves, you can talk and talk for hours without making headway. Help her come up with the idea on her own, and make her beleive that she's invested in her own decision.
If she feels she's being backed into a corner by her friends, and does leave him.. somewhere down the line she may begin to blame you and other friends for her decision if things don't go as well as she hopes alone. She might become angry at you guys for pushing her into this (although it really is a great thing, considering the guy NEEDS to go).. but do you know what I mean.. when I say although the guy sucks, it might be her caring friends that get burned in the end if/when she does leave him just because everyone says she should.
Anyways.. my advice is to help her come to the decision on her own. Ask her how she views the relationship, if this is truly what she wants, and what she thinks the benefits of being in the relationship are. She needs to realize on her own that the benefits do not outweigh the negativity.
Anyways.. kudos for helping her, and I hope I dont' sound like a drag.. but in my psychology training we learn that although advice can be helpful, its better to push a person to come to a realization on their own..
hope this helps! 
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